Day 17: Oct. 8, 2013

Wow, today was a busy day too!  Last night I got to spend some time with Andrew, he came over after he was cut (around 11:30 p.m.) – I was still awake and putting the finishing touches on yesterday's journal entry.  It was nice to catch up, I hadn't really seen him since last Thursday.  We each got to share quite a bit of information; some changes are happening at his work place too (he's a server downtown at a restaurant) – new management but ultimately this means good things, higher work standards and incentives.  While we were sitting together I also noticed that I had a sliver or something embedded in my left foot and attempted to remove it but without success (I had stepped on something sharp in the yard about a month ago when I was walking barefoot, I now think a small piece of glass is working its way out).


Anyway, recap of today:

Daily Yoga Meal:

10/8  Dinner: 7:45 p.m.  Ate an entire box of Annie's macaroni and cheese.  Yes.  Mac and Cheese.  An entire box.  On my own.  I was hungry.

Remained seated? Yes ✓  No.

Refrained from conversation while chewing?  Yes ✓  No  (if no, % of meal = __%)

Refrained from any external distractions?  Yes  No  ✓ 

Waited until food was completely chewed and swallowed before picking up my next bite.  Yes✓  No   (if no, % of meal = __%)

Refrained from putting more than two handfuls of food on my plate at any given time, finished eating my two handfuls, then waited 3-5 minutes before taking more food. Yes  No✓

Waited 2-6 hours before taking my next meal. Yes✓ No.

Comments:  Yeah, I ate an entire box of mac and cheese.  On my own... This is not a vegan choice AND it was more than two fistfuls, I am sure (I just put all of it into a bowl).  I also did not succeed in abstaining from distractions (listened to music as I ate).  Breakfast would have been a better meal to document but I thought I would try for it again this evening and it didn't work out.  The reason I am documenting this downfall is so that I might encourage myself to do better.  I've been good at getting one yoga meal a day usually, guess I'm just not at the two yoga meals mark yet.  Maybe I can aim to be there by the end of the month.

Daily Meditation:
Did a morning meditation today which was really refreshing.  Took some time before I went to yoga practice.  It was quiet in the house which was helpful (it's difficult for me to meditate/remove myself when there are other people around/audible stimuli).  Mind was really peaceful and still. Not much agitation or desire to be elsewhere/doing other things.  I did have a moment where I was afraid I had fallen asleep, my body had slouched a little bit so I had to realign myself to sit up more straight.  Wondering if anyone has tips for how to not get one or both legs to fall asleep.  I am not doing lotus position, they're just simply crossed out in front of me.  I was wondering how it would be to try chair/seated meditation with my legs straight out in front of me at a 90 degree angle. I will have to get feedback on methodologies/which is best for what I am trying to accomplish in correspondence to Astanga practice.



Daily Practice:
10/8:  Attended TWO classes today!  9:30 a.m. Slow Burn with Jan and 5:45 p.m. Hot Vinyasa also with Jan.  Both formats were new to me today.  Slow Burn accentuated moving at one's one pace (that is always KEY in yoga but today I felt it here), breathing deeply and moving slowly (hence slow burn).  In Hot Vinyasa... man there were almost 30 bodies in the room and the heat was up!  Sweat was rolling off my arms and knees and back.  We moved at a quick pace, of course in step with our own breathing but that class was a work out.

We did Sun Salutation A and B in each class but in Hot Vinyasa it was more difficult for me.  The direction of the room was different, started facing back instead of front, which was fine but I think it threw me off a little bit.  Perhaps I was also fatigued from the earlier practice? I also just came to the awareness that I have not eaten a lot today so that could have been a part of my performance as well.  My arms got quite wobbly while holding high plank near the end of class tonight.  I took a break and went into child's pose to regain strength and was called upon by Jan to get back up and to keep breathing.  I was at my edge, that is for sure.  It helped when she gave reasons for all of us to be strong; I still ached but I tried harder to stay in position after that point. 3 more breaths... and down.  Those upward facing dogs were tricky today.  Jan helped me in the morning to discover how my body COULD be in the position–a wonderful reality I had not yet experienced, my shoulders really UP and BACK; my whole self off the floor almost soaring.  I tried to emulate that upwardness in my class this evening and I think it worked for the most part, I felt higher off the floor and opened up, but I certainly was not flying like earlier.  I hope to get there some day!


Daily Gratitude:  Thank you Jan for showing me what I can accomplish in class when I am pushed to my edge.  I don't like being pushed there but I know it is good for me.  Like you said, the real struggle is not here (in the pose) but out in our daily lives, we need to stick it out, push on; get stronger.  I am thankful that I had time to share a breakfast with Andrew after Slow Burn.  I was able to witness him being a good brother to his sister (she had called with some upsetting news) and he was able to talk her down; he has such a calm demeanor and does not engage with drama.  He keeps logic and reason at the forefront and is a good foil for me.  I also am glad that met a neighbor today, Tom, who informed me that he would prefer if I did not park in front of his house; this was not upsetting and I am glad he told me his preference because I would not like to continually upset him (he lives on the opposite corner and evidently has three cars; he wanted to mention it because he likes to keep all of them there and because in the past he has had the misfortune of having people leave there cars there for weeks on end).  I am so pleased that I met a very happy bunch of dogs today;  I went with Andrew to the barber after breakfast and there were two there, just happy as punch, bringing me all their toys and telling me how happy they each were with opened mouth smiles and wagging of tails.  I miss not being around dogs.  I should visit my mother more often and check in on our family dog Sophie.  All in all this was a great day filled with wonderful interactions.  I still have work to prepare for my interview tomorrow–figure out what I am going to wear and how I will answer unexpected questions...  I will have to remind myself of things I am grateful for then so I can answer questions from my heart since that is a place of understanding and peace.

Day 16: Oct. 7, 2013

Such a busy day today.  Went to Eden Prairie this morning. Stopped at Kinko's beforehand – they were open and had my documents printed- yay!  Was at Wooddale Church from 7:15 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.  If you ever find yourself unemployed or in transition GO TO THIS GROUP.  (Their website.)  This is a ministry they provide; essentially bringing job seekers through a step-by-step process evaluating what they have been doing and what they SHOULD be doing to improve their search/process, etc.

The 6 Steps:
Step 1: Attitude
Step 2: Assessment
Step 3: Marketing Strategy
Step 4: Marketing Materials
Step 5: Interviewing
Step 6: Follow up

Anyway, my blog is not (primarily) about my job search although the process of journaling might ultimately reveal where I'm supposed to be.  After that finished I helped my uncle Svend for about four hours, we went to Menards (twice) and picked up a total of sixty cement pieces of pavement for his yard (not quite cobblestone but similar in shape/function).  Each piece weighed in at 22 pounds... it was a good work out.  We also went to Trader Joe's and he stocked up on trail mix and yogurt.  You see, my uncle doesn't have a car so he enlisted my help since he knew that I was not working and he took me out to dinner as a form of thanks.  We went to the Cleveland Wok.  After dinner I dropped him off and then I came home.  I took some time to enjoy sitting and then I changed into yoga gear.  I then went to class (with the intention of going to Slow Burn and then Yin, but I had the wrong start time in mind so I just did the Yin practice).  After class I spoke with Jan and her husband.  They are very supportive of my current position–it was nice to share my story with them.

Daily Yoga Meal Record:

10/7  Had dinner with uncle at Cleveland Wok. 

Remained seated? Yes ✓  No.

Refrained from conversation while chewing?  Yes ✓  No  (if no, % of meal = __%)

Refrained from any external distractions?  Yes ✓   No 

Waited until food was completely chewed and swallowed before picking up my next bite.  Yes✓  No   (if no, % of meal = __%)

Refrained from putting more than two handfuls of food on my plate at any given time, finished eating my two handfuls, then waited 3-5 minutes before taking more food. Yes ✓ No.

Waited 2-6 hours before taking my next meal. Yes✓ No.

Comments:  The Cleveland Wok is a Chinese buffet-style restaurant.  I did have two platefuls ultimately but I did wait about five minutes between them.  We did not talk a lot. I spoke mainly when I was waiting to see if I was satiated (and listened the rest of the time).  The jasmine tea was nice; I enjoyed two cream cheese wantons, one fried egg roll, a side of fried rice, fresh vegetables with chicken and one steamed dumpling, which I am sure was filled with pork.

Daily Meditation:

10/7  Before I started my blogging tonight I took 20 minutes to meditate (it was around 10:15 p.m. - so late!).  My mind was really still, I think doing a Yin practice beforehand helped.  Not as much anxiety/fewer thoughts about the past or the future.  A couple of times I had to remind myself to focus on my breath because there were subtle images that distracted me (i.e. thoughts about people I had interacted with; the phone call I had on my way home from yoga with Amy).  But over all, less wild then other evening meditations.  I would have preferred to have meditated in the morning but with my busy schedule this was the first opportunity I had to just stop and sit.  Mettā-meditation was pure gratitude, extending thanks to Amy and Christine for their willingness to prepare for my upcoming interview with the Mississippi Market and a resounding thanks for my uncle for his support today.  Grateful that I could help him accomplish his heavy lifting/errands.  

Daily Practice:

10/7  Attended 8:15 p.m. Yin class with Jan.  I had a lot of discomfort in my hips and lower back but some of the extended side bends were helpful, especially on my left side when I had help with an adjustment.  It made all the difference, I was not open/facing up and when Jan helped twist my body I felt things open and lift and I could breathe more clearly and deeply, sinking deeper into my left side and stretch my tight hamstring muscles and the muscles along my back/ribs.  This class was a great help.  All day my neck has been stiff and my upper back/muscles along my ribs have been achey.  I feel like I am now rested and will be able to move better tomorrow.

Daily Gratitude:

10/7  I am so grateful for the opportunity to go to Wooddale Church on the recommendation of Christopher.  I feel compelled to return next week for further ideas although I feel like I can have a go on my own for a while too and see how it goes utilizing these new techniques and awareness.  I am thankful that I was able to spend time with my uncle today and help him with a project.  I am thankful that the Grocery Manager at the Mississippi Market wants to interview me AND that I got an email from Valley Staffing, Inc. expressing interest as well.  I am pleasantly surprised at the possibility of working at Lifetime Fitness as a part of their reception team (Jan just brought this up tonight as a temporary option).  I am also so pleased that I was able to spend just over an hour on the phone catching up with my best friend Amy.  I am thankful for her listening ear and feedback.  I am thankful now that I get to get ready for bed and get ready to go all out tomorrow – Slow Burn yoga at 9:30 a.m. with Jan and then to weekly tasks/preparing for interview(s).

Day 15: Oct. 6, 2013

Today was my Dad's birthday (and his first day at his new congregation in Iowa).  From the sound of it, it will be a busy year for him there.  I wish him all the best.

I learned a lot in class today.  I had several opportunities to teach and with repetition/practice, I felt a strong improvement in my presence and ability to convey instructions.  I was able to teach Mary and Sarah Sun Salutation A; and then I worked with Patience three or four times practicing the Sun Salutation B sequence (more on that later).  There are certainly more parts to that one than SSA but I feel like the flow is quite simple.  Patience thinks I can work on my delivery, slow it down; also get closer to the student, apply hands.  I am not quite there yet but I appreciate the feedback!

Tomorrow morning I will be going to a networking event/resume building workshop in Eden Prairie per the recommendation of Christopher/Courtney.  Having written that, I am reminding myself to send a thank you to Barry, Anna and Zach for the wonderful experience I had with them last week despite the fact I did not take the job with the Boy Scouts.  Good to practice gratitude.


Daily Yoga Meal Record:
10/6   Life Cafe with Joan.  I ate a piece of butternut squash, a handful of grapes and a handful of popcorn.

Remained seated? Yes ✓  No.
Refrained from conversation while chewing?  Yes ✓  No  (if no, % of meal = __%)
Refrained from any external distractions?  Yes   No ✓
Waited until food was completely chewed and swallowed before picking up my next bite.  Yes✓  No   (if no, % of meal = __%)
Refrained from putting more than two handfuls of food on my plate at any given time, finished eating my two handfuls, then waited 3-5 minutes before taking more food. Yes ✓ No.
Waited 2-6 hours before taking my next meal. Yes✓ No.

Comments:  It was difficult avoiding external distractions today. There was a flat screen t.v. over Joan's head that was broadcasting CNN; I was continually tempted to read the news that was scrolling along the bottom of the screen.  I was able to eat food without talking and took time to fully listen to her.  I was able to set my fork down between bites and savor the textures of my different items, which made for an engaging experience. The food was simple but I count it a success/memorable meal today.



Daily Meditation:  Performed meditation after class with group.  It was a good experience.  Only one of my legs fell asleep and I didn't muster to move it during the practice, I was able to ignore the annoyance my body insisted in informing me of and just focus on my breath.  A few times I caught my mind drift into mental conversations with others – what was it she said to me again? and then set it aside, remembering it is time for meditation; set it aside and come back to it later.



Daily Practice: Today practiced with the group under Jason's leadership. Astanga Vinyasa.  Primarily the Sun Salutation A and B sequences with a few balancing poses including Utthita Hasta Padangustasana:

We concluded our practice with an inversion (plow pose) and two back bends bridge pose and fish pose before going into our final resting pose: savasana.

Halasana  or  Plow Pose

Setu Banda Sarvangasana  or  Bridge Pose

Matsyana  or  Fish pose

Daily Gratitude:

I am so pleased that I was able to get to YTT on time despite the marathon traffic (and that all pedestrians were safe, there were many cars on the road).  Not only did I make it on time, but practice was great building on the readings I did from Birch's Power Yoga.  I am excited to learn more and continue to deepen my practice.  I was less nervous today and I am thankful for Mary and Sarah for getting me started – they encouraged me through the first set of Sun Salutation A's.  I have a feeling we're on a roll now.  It is amazing to think we are already on our way to week 3 of 20.  I am gearing up for tomorrow; glad that I was able to utilize Kinko's website and get some resumes printed.  They should be ready for pick up tomorrow, not it is up to me to go to bed on time and wake up and get out the door! I need to be in Eden Prairie by 7:00 a.m.  May I rest deeply and wake up on time.  I would love to get this week off to a good start, last week was so productive and I am SO SO glad that it was! I must also say: yay! thank goodness that I did NOT put my cell phone through the washing machine this evening... I had misplaced it and was in a panic when I could not find it to call my Dad to wish him a happy birthday.  Thankfully Philippa called it a few times and I found it under a pile of books.  So so pleased that I don't have to pay to replace it... :)  May everyone have a wonderful night's rest and a good week ahead.  I am sending out positive vibes to everyone I know.  Much love.

Day 14: Oct. 5, 2013

Daily Yoga Meal Record:
10/5  12:15 p.m.  Ate a piece of butternut squash.  Felt like I needed something fresh and warm today.  Albeit it wasn't a complete meal, I took my time and enjoyed the flavor of fall.  I did add some butter to it as well as a little sea salt. Each bite full felt bright and made me think of other warm fall foods/drinks. Excited for cider and other baked dishes.

Daily Meditation Record:
10/5  11:40 a.m.  Thoughts surfaced on whether or not I should contact the owner of Juut regarding my dismissal;  I have been urged to do so by so many people but I don't know if this would be productive or just make me fixate on disappointment/suffering.  I held my hands together, wrapped around the warmth of a mug of hot chocolate.  I did not drink.  I observed the warmth in my hands and the aroma that drifted up towards me.  I tried to focus on breathing in and out.  My thoughts brought me towards connections on LinkedIn; improving my profile.  Return to breathing in and out.  Observed through closed lids the sound of traffic outside; observed the warmth of sunlight streaming through the window after a grey morning.  Anxious to get outside and feel warmth on my skin.  Return to breath.  Trying to decide what to do with my day. What to wear to drop off my applications to Mississippi Market and Half Price Books.  I tell myself not to think about it anymore; push it aside, return to my breath. A very active session of meditation.  Mettā-meditation was focused on thankfulness for rest and relaxation; wishing others the ability to slow down and enjoy the Saturday morning.

Daily Practice Record: n/a
10/5  Today was my day of rest.  I was going to go to the Hot Vinyasa and then the Yin class today but I was feeling burnt out when I work up and realized that I have not taken a day off this week.  I am taking this day for myself. Doing journaling, meditation, reading and contemplation for the future.  I think I will also write a few thank you cards and work on cover letters for applications for the coming week.

Daily Gratitude:
10/5  I was able to sleep in today, I did not feel rushed in any of my activities.  Spent some time reading, was able to answer questions related to readings for yoga instruction.  Submitted two job applications.  Was able to see my Mother and dog Sophie.  Got to spend some time with Philippa; we watched an episode of HIMYM and BBT.  Ate dinner together with Bryce; did some cleaning.  Now enjoying a quiet evening before a long day tomorrow (I guess I just anticipate being busy/tired after class).  I am thankful for all that I accomplished today and for the quiet time I have been given.  I've been able to catch up on some rest and continue forward on my path toward the unknown.


And for the homework –

I am currently reading:  Power Yoga: The Total Strength and Flexibility Workout by Beryl Bender Birch.  She has a nice way of writing that encourages the reader to take his or her time reading the material and consider how his or her body responds to breath and movement.  I think one of the most poignant statements she has made thus far is:

...what we will learn from our yoga practice is that much of our healing potential is in our own hands, and our active participation is frequently the essential element in effective medical therapy and long-lasting health (pp. 28).

and for those who are skeptical on how yoga can work for a beginner:

Doing Power Yoga (*i.e. astanga vinyasa) is an ideal way to start a fitness program and an ideal aid to continue a sport or fitness program for life.  It can be done on its own or as a companion to sport. It will slowly teach you discipline and self-awareness–not rigid, unyielding discipline, but doable discipline. It will teach you to be hard with yourself as well as soft–to work hard and sweat and to rest and recover. It will work on your body, your mind, your whole self (pp. 28).                       

 *my words added here for clarification.

I think she also does a great job of explaining why heated yoga is so beneficial. Before I started my yoga teacher training, I thought heated yoga was a gimmick and never understood how it could actually be helpful/aligned with traditional teachings:

"The primary ingredient of the Power Yoga practice–and what makes it so particularly effective as physical therapy–is heat. Think of what a glass blower can do with a piece of glass tubing when it is heated.  The glass can be shaped into swans, baskets, and unicorns. But imagine trying to reshape the glass without the heat? What would happen? You would end up with a pile of shattered glass.

"The heat does more, though, than allow us to realign our frame without breaking. As the connective tissue becomes heated by our practice, it becomes less "solid" and more "liquid." We become pliable for reshaping. In this pliable state, we apply the form of the practice that begins the remolding process...

"The practice can then undo the rigidity and create more space for intercellular fluids to circulate and bring in nutrients while carrying off toxins. So not only does the practice work on restoring function to an injured area and facilitating realignment, but it also works to detoxify the organs and tissue and revitalize the entire system (27)."

As you can see, the idea of heat is central to the success of the practice in the astanga vinyasa tradition.  Being aware of one's breath (pranayama), utilizing energy locks (bandhas) keep the heat building as practitioners flow from one posture to the next in the series.  With awareness and practice we can control how energy is sent through the body.  I am so glad she went through this because it makes sense to me now.  As I am practicing I will better appreciate the heated environment and see it as fostering growth and improvement as I deepen and strengthen in each asana.

Day 13: Oct. 4, 2013

Daily Yoga Meal Record:
10/3  10:00 a.m.  Had a muffin and chai latte at Fresh Grounds Coffee Shop with Courtney.

Remained seated? Yes ✓  No.
Refrained from conversation while chewing?  Yes   No ✓ (if no, % of meal = 70%)
Refrained from any external distractions?  Yes ✓  No
Waited until food was completely chewed and swallowed before picking up my next bite.  Yes✓  No   (if no, % of meal = __%)
Refrained from putting more than two handfuls of food on my plate at any given time, finished eating my two handfuls, then waited 3-5 minutes before taking more food. Yes ✓ No.
Waited 2-6 hours before taking my next meal. Yes✓ No.

Comments:  It was good to meet with Courtney and connect about the week and share experiences.  She and her husband have been a great support to me after my dismissal at Juut.  I ate a muffin during our conversation. There were a few times I had to remind myself to take a moment to focus on the food in my mouth before talking/responding to her questions.  Good to have fellowship.  She reminded me of a few Old Testament stories which were really relevant to recent experiences; in essence reminding me of trust and providence.


Daily Meditation:
10/3  1:00 p.m.  After working on some applications I took a break to just sit.  I had better luck this afternoon than I have during some evening meditations but it still wasn't as "productive" as my morning meditations.  Perhaps this just means I need to work with more intent to stay focused (this would be good for me).  My mettā-meditation focused on gratitude for motivation.



Daily Practice:
10/3  Attended 4:30 practice of Slow Burn today at Life Power.  Again, instructor mentioned she was subbing for Jennifer but did not mention her name... I meant to ask her afterwards but she disappeared.

Good focus today inward.  Enjoyed sequence from downward facing dog to warrior one to humble warrior to modified side angle to some sort of squat, then half way lift then chaturunga back down into down dog.  Easy flow, very soothing for me today.  Her statement at the end of savasana into our seated upright position for closure was about change and being okay with that.  I know she was talking about the seasons but it felt VERY appropriate for me today.


Daily Gratitude:
10/3  Grateful to have made it through this week. Have talked to so many helpful people.  Today I chatted with a woman from Blue Cross Blue Shield who made my day; she explained all the price points and differences between short rate plans and wow they are all very affordable.  I am no longer worried about not having coverage.  Sounds like my plan from Juut is still in effect until the end of the month.  The state of MN also sent me some unemployment information and I filled out a career exploration/plan sheet.  There will be free classes I can go to for improving my resume and interviewing skills.  I am so excited and grateful for this opportunity!  As Bryce put it, what a surprising way to get a free ticket/new start into my future!  Heard from Dad, he made it to Iowa and is safe from the storms they are having down there.  I am now enjoying a fall evening with a fire in the living room fireplace.  Don't know what my plans will be for tomorrow but I am so pleased at how well this week has gone – how productive I have been and again, so overwhelming grateful for the support I have had from colleagues, friends and family.

Day 12: Oct. 3, 2013

Daily Yoga Meal Record:
10/3  Shared pizza with Andrew.  8:00 p.m.

Remained seated? Yes ✓  No.
Refrained from conversation while chewing?  Yes ✓  No  (if no, % of meal = __%)
Refrained from any external distractions?  Yes   No ✓
Waited until food was completely chewed and swallowed before picking up my next bite.  Yes✓  No   (if no, % of meal = __%)
Refrained from putting more than two handfuls of food on my plate at any given time, finished eating my two handfuls, then waited 3-5 minutes before taking more food. Yes ✓ No.
Waited 2-6 hours before taking my next meal. Yes✓ No.

Comments:  We made homemade pizza with vegan cheese, tomato sauce for the base, red onions, green peppers, fresh mushrooms, mild Italian sausage and chicken breast. I had one generous slice.  We were not free from distractions – we were having a date night where we listened to music and played cribbage (I lost both rounds).  We had a lot of fun in the creation and eating of our pizza :)


Daily Meditation:
10/3  9:00 a.m.  In living room, seated at couch.  Time passed more quickly in meditation today or rather I was less agitated.  Less thoughts of doubt, more of a to-do list running through my head.  Kept bringing my attention back to my breath.  No silence.  I can hear the rustle of leaves through the window; sounds wet out side, cars driving on wet pavement.  Mettā-meditation focus on the great kindness people have shown me – may they too receive great kindness and understanding.

Daily Practice:
10/3  I performed 10 Sun Salutation A's on my own in Andrew's basement. After my own practice, I led Andrew in a sequence of five Sun Salutation A's (which is half of my required "homework" for the week).

The fourth and fifth sequences were the best of the set I had him practice.  I am sure if we had continued through to ten he would have been flowing with ease.  It has been a few years since he has been a regular practitioner but this helped me in simplifying instructions and explaining when directions were not clear.  I think the trickiest part of the explanation was progressing from Uttanasana (i.e. forward fold, position 3) to Chaturunga Dandasana (lowering through plank to the ground/downward pushup, position 4) and then from Urdhva Muka Svasana (or upward facing dog/cobra, position 5) into Adho Muka Svasana (downward facing dog).  Criticism here was to get yogi to flow with breath and stay with breath through five full inhalations and exhalations.  We did not get to focusing on bandhas yet. I need to drill the B(reath)M(ovement)D(rishti) into my mind with the most simple names/explanations as possible, keep sequence moving!!

"Start hands at heart center gaze ahead–"
"Inhale arms up, gaze through fingertips."

"Exhale, forward fold, gaze towards knees."

"Inhale, lifting halfway, gaze forward."

"Exhale, palms to mat, walk feet back to plank and lower body to the floor, gaze to the front"

"Inhale, lift – bring body up on to hands and top of feet, gaze up"

"Exhale, toes curl under, push body up and back into downward facing dog, gaze towards navel. You will be here for five breaths... feet and hands should be shoulder width distance apart; if you feel strain in your lower back you may bend your knees. At the end of your fifth inhalation, exhale your hands to the front of the mat."

"Inhale, half way lift, gaze is forward."

"Exhale, bend down, gaze back at knees."

"Inhale, come all the way up, hands overhead, gaze is lifted through fingertips."

"Exhale, hands come to heart center. We meet in Sama-sthiti and prepare for our next sequence."

Daily Gratitude:
10/3 Thankful that Andrew let me practice teaching Sun Salutation A to him :)  Glad I was able to check out the Boy Scouts; decided against the opportunity but so glad that I checked it out and had such a positive experience.  I connected with Barry and let him know my decision, he was glad that I was true to myself and my needs at this time and encouraged me if I ever wanted to re-apply.  Feeling more at peace today, less emotional turbulence.  Tired.  Thankful that I am able to take time to rest.

Days 9, 10 and 11...

Days 9 and 10 have gone unrecorded due to a change in my work schedule, but here is a re-cap:

On Monday (day 9) I was let go from Juut.  A complete shock for me.  I tried to meditate but my head was reeling with hurt and shame.  I attempted my 20 minute meditations twice but each time felt distracted and emotionally exhausted. I know it is my job to sit through the discomfort and focus on my breathing but that just was not happening on Monday.  I ate a banana and a Cliff bar for breakfast/lunch.  Filed for unemployment.  My Mom took me out for dinner at the Longfellow Grille. I had a bowl of pesto and some bread pudding for dessert.  I also enjoyed a really nice cup of herbal tea.  She and I processed things for quite a bit.  She dropped me off at home. I did 10 Sun Salutation A's at home about an hour after dinner.  Andrew came over.  We talked, he held me.  I was kind of done crying at that point.  Exhausted, I went to sleep.  Overwhelming gratitude for friends and family.  I had almost a dozen phone calls/texts/facebook messages from people who learned of my situation, asking if they could help me in any way.  I thanked them for their support and leaned into a few for feedback/ideas for the coming days.

The next day (day 10) I woke up at 7:00 a.m. Tried meditating right away.  Was a little less hectic than the day before but still had many thoughts/words roll through my head.  Went online looking for health insurance.  The MNsure marketplace opened yesterday, but those who enroll won't get coverage until the first of the year.  I'll have to search elsewhere to get a plan before then.  I was connected with my former co-worker's husband Christopher who urged me to apply for a position with the Boy Scouts, so I did that.  Got a phone call right away from Barry, will interview Wednesday afternoon (today) for that.  It is really part time but we'll see if I am a fit.  Spent more hours on the computer looking for jobs. Found two referrals, one for Starbucks, one for Half Price Books;  a friend from high school said that United Way is hiring, so checking that out too.  When Andrew got up, around noon, we went out for breakfast (we were out of food in the house).  Again, we went to Longfellow. I had a delicious banana waffle. They are hiring, so I grabbed one of their business cards.  Went on a long walk.  It was warmer than expected, almost 80 degrees.  Came back home, I took a nap.  We went grocery shopping, Andrew was called off work.  Made dinner.  Relaxed.  Went to 8:15 yoga.  Thought it would be a Yin practice but it was Slow Burn.  Someone was subbing for Jennifer.  It was a good class.  Had my eyes closed throughout most of it. She helped me adjust during sphinx and pigeon.  Called Dad after class.  He was passionate and convinced I should file a complaint against the BBB.  I went from feeling relaxed to being wound up.  I did not sleep well. Gratitude: thankful for my Dad who wants all things to be well for me, even when it drives me crazy.  Thankful for the yoga teacher who offer guidance and helped me realign to experience a better, deeper practice.

(Day 11 - now) I woke up today and investigated the BBB, it's only for consumers, not handling internal issues (which is what I thought initially).  I don't want to fight anymore.  Of course I want people to miss me; I want Nickole to regret letting me go, but honestly it's for the best.  Juut wasn't where I was supposed to be.  I was really good at my job, but as Karlynn said that this is a stepping stone for something greater in my life.  It has to be.

I need to get ready now for my interview.  I have cramps today and am hungry.  Going to focus on a shower and then sit down for a yoga meal.  It might just be cereal but that is okay.  I'll try to meditate.  I'll come back to this post and elaborate on how this day goes.

** Later:   Had my interview with Barry, Anna and Zach.  I voiced my interest and concern.  I asked if I could attend a group to see what it was like before agreeing to take on the position (it hasn't been offered but I thought it would be best to do this first anyway).  I will visit the Jackson Street site led by Anna tomorrow (Thursday) evening from 5:30-6:30.

To recap day 11:
Practice: I did a set of Sun Salutation A's at home again today.  I don't know much yet about what inversions to avoid when it's that time of the month, so I'm going to try to read up on it in Power Yoga (or just search the internet).  Meditation was distracted but better than yesterday. Did my yoga meal at breakfast where I took twenty minutes to eat a bowl of mini wheats with soy milk.  I sat at the kitchen table, had my legs crossed under me a wooden chair, which was sightly cold to sit on. It was nice to eat slowly and not be preoccupied with thought, I just concentrated on the shape and texture of each iced mini wheat pillow at a time.  Felt the sugar icing come apart and the shreds of wheat break apart in my mouth. The soy milk was smooth and unflavorful, or rather its personality blended well with the cereal (bland, but something simple to focus on).  I am grateful for all the the support I had today.  For being able to interview with the Northern Star Council on the recommendation of a friend.  To have Christine, Laura and Andrew help me with an application to the Seward Co-op.  It was a busy day, but I feel like I took it at a pace that was do-able for me. I am thankful for an agile mind that allows me to go from one task to another and stay motivated.