Days 9 and 10 have gone unrecorded due to a change in my work schedule, but here is a re-cap:
On Monday (day 9) I was let go from Juut. A complete shock for me. I tried to meditate but my head was reeling with hurt and shame. I attempted my 20 minute meditations twice but each time felt distracted and emotionally exhausted. I know it is my job to sit through the discomfort and focus on my breathing but that just was not happening on Monday. I ate a banana and a Cliff bar for breakfast/lunch. Filed for unemployment. My Mom took me out for dinner at the Longfellow Grille. I had a bowl of pesto and some bread pudding for dessert. I also enjoyed a really nice cup of herbal tea. She and I processed things for quite a bit. She dropped me off at home. I did 10 Sun Salutation A's at home about an hour after dinner. Andrew came over. We talked, he held me. I was kind of done crying at that point. Exhausted, I went to sleep. Overwhelming gratitude for friends and family. I had almost a dozen phone calls/texts/facebook messages from people who learned of my situation, asking if they could help me in any way. I thanked them for their support and leaned into a few for feedback/ideas for the coming days.
The next day (day 10) I woke up at 7:00 a.m. Tried meditating right away. Was a little less hectic than the day before but still had many thoughts/words roll through my head. Went online looking for health insurance. The MNsure marketplace opened yesterday, but those who enroll won't get coverage until the first of the year. I'll have to search elsewhere to get a plan before then. I was connected with my former co-worker's husband Christopher who urged me to apply for a position with the Boy Scouts, so I did that. Got a phone call right away from Barry, will interview Wednesday afternoon (today) for that. It is really part time but we'll see if I am a fit. Spent more hours on the computer looking for jobs. Found two referrals, one for Starbucks, one for Half Price Books; a friend from high school said that United Way is hiring, so checking that out too. When Andrew got up, around noon, we went out for breakfast (we were out of food in the house). Again, we went to Longfellow. I had a delicious banana waffle. They are hiring, so I grabbed one of their business cards. Went on a long walk. It was warmer than expected, almost 80 degrees. Came back home, I took a nap. We went grocery shopping, Andrew was called off work. Made dinner. Relaxed. Went to 8:15 yoga. Thought it would be a Yin practice but it was Slow Burn. Someone was subbing for Jennifer. It was a good class. Had my eyes closed throughout most of it. She helped me adjust during sphinx and pigeon. Called Dad after class. He was passionate and convinced I should file a complaint against the BBB. I went from feeling relaxed to being wound up. I did not sleep well. Gratitude: thankful for my Dad who wants all things to be well for me, even when it drives me crazy. Thankful for the yoga teacher who offer guidance and helped me realign to experience a better, deeper practice.
(Day 11 - now) I woke up today and investigated the BBB, it's only for consumers, not handling internal issues (which is what I thought initially). I don't want to fight anymore. Of course I want people to miss me; I want Nickole to regret letting me go, but honestly it's for the best. Juut wasn't where I was supposed to be. I was really good at my job, but as Karlynn said that this is a stepping stone for something greater in my life. It has to be.
I need to get ready now for my interview. I have cramps today and am hungry. Going to focus on a shower and then sit down for a yoga meal. It might just be cereal but that is okay. I'll try to meditate. I'll come back to this post and elaborate on how this day goes.
** Later: Had my interview with Barry, Anna and Zach. I voiced my interest and concern. I asked if I could attend a group to see what it was like before agreeing to take on the position (it hasn't been offered but I thought it would be best to do this first anyway). I will visit the Jackson Street site led by Anna tomorrow (Thursday) evening from 5:30-6:30.
To recap day 11:
Practice: I did a set of Sun Salutation A's at home again today. I don't know much yet about what inversions to avoid when it's that time of the month, so I'm going to try to read up on it in Power Yoga (or just search the internet). Meditation was distracted but better than yesterday. Did my yoga meal at breakfast where I took twenty minutes to eat a bowl of mini wheats with soy milk. I sat at the kitchen table, had my legs crossed under me a wooden chair, which was sightly cold to sit on. It was nice to eat slowly and not be preoccupied with thought, I just concentrated on the shape and texture of each iced mini wheat pillow at a time. Felt the sugar icing come apart and the shreds of wheat break apart in my mouth. The soy milk was smooth and unflavorful, or rather its personality blended well with the cereal (bland, but something simple to focus on). I am grateful for all the the support I had today. For being able to interview with the Northern Star Council on the recommendation of a friend. To have Christine, Laura and Andrew help me with an application to the Seward Co-op. It was a busy day, but I feel like I took it at a pace that was do-able for me. I am thankful for an agile mind that allows me to go from one task to another and stay motivated.
No comments:
Post a Comment