Today was another day where I woke up kind of dreading the "what next" feeling. I felt stuck, confined in the house. Even though I have a cell phone, I wanted to stay home to ensure I had service. I was expecting a phone call from Ramsey county to discuss eligibility for aid. I was scheduled to get the call anywhere between 12 p.m. and 4:30 p.m. I received the phone call around 10:00 a.m. so my afternoon freed up unexpectedly, but I was glad I was available to take the call (since I had moved my activities to the morning). After I spoke with Linda(?) I called MN unemployment to discuss a few pending issues. The representative I talked to said there wasn't anything I needed to do, that they were simply waiting to hear back from Juut to confirm my dismissal, so I guess that was a relief too (their deadline for a decision of eligibility is Oct. 19). Hoping to be employed here shortly but just in case I thought it would be good to file for assistance. I did receive a phone call from the Seward Co-op today requesting an interview time for tomorrow(!) so I spent the remainder of my day preparing for that interview... considering possible questions they might ask. I even went to the location to scope it out/come up with questions I might have.
Just finished talking with Christine on the phone. I feel a lot more at ease about my interview tomorrow. I think it will go really well :) I just have to maintain this mindset!
Yoga Meal Record: around 10:30 a.m. ate a bowl of cereal and one large apple. I remained seated. I did not do anything else while eating although I was tempted to read. My cereal did have added cinnamon and sugar but this felt appropriate for a fall day. I ate one bite at a time and did not reach for the next spoonful of cereal until I had finished what I was chewing. I waited about five minutes after finishing my bowl of cereal before deciding to eat my apple. The apple was wonderful, the skin had great flavor and the body of the apple was succulent. I waited again after eating the apple and found myself content.
Daily Meditation: Tried to meditate in the late morning/early afternoon. Felt very antsy. Kept coming up with lists of things to do. Re-arranging myself. Feeling chilly. Excuses.
Daily Practice: Went to the 7:00 Slow Burn class at Highland Park with Jennifer and stayed for the Yin practice at 8:15 with Jan. I felt very strong in the first class this evening. I was able to do twists and side planks without much shaking in my upper body. My gaze was up and my arms were engaged strongly above and below me, where ever I was I found myself in my breath. It was a very great experience. I felt so much heat billow inside of me when we held our planks near the beginning of class, I did not try to get out of it, I think my alignment was ON! Near the end of class she had us hold one leg at a time, inhale, then exhale UP, pulling ourself closer to our knee and NOT BREATHE. I am not sure what the benefit of this exercise was other than intense concentration and control of the will. In Yin practice I felt my hamstrings yell at me. I used a bolster tonight in all of my forward folds. When we got to the posture where we were focusing on elongating our quadriceps one at a time I felt absolute peace; my upper back was resting on the bolster, my heart was open and I was breathing deep. I was not up against an edge in this pose and was wondering if that was a bad thing, but I reveled in this deep relaxation for several minutes on each side before taking our final savasana. I was very emotional in both of these classes tonight during savasana. I don't know what it is about music playing at that time if it is helpful for provoking/whether or not the provocation is invited or unwelcome but I let it in and allow the tears to flow. I try and ask myself why they are there or from whence they flow but I have found ultimately it is overwhelming love, joy; some sadness but it comes from experiencing love. If someone were to see my energy at that time I wonder if it emanates green, blue, pink, purple. Is it peaceful or does it negatively affect those around me?
Daily Gratitude: Thank you for the time to accomplish one thing at a time today. I feel like I was able to evaluate things and prioritize needs based on a timeline and that helped me. Thank you for friends I can ask questions to, for my Mother who called and asked for my help -- thank you for making my schedule available to her. Thank you for a caring boyfriend who allows me my space to prepare for an interview and makes time to see me after his work week ends tomorrow. I am thankful for a home to live in with friends who let me share their space. I am appreciating the sound of rain, the glow of candles and the comfort of tea. I am again grateful for this computer on which I now write; it enables me to search and apply for jobs with ease. If I were still using my older device I would be struggling to do what I do now each and every day. Of course I would be creative and come up with solutions but I am glad to have the ability to participate in the online job search, things would be so much more limited if all I had access to was the local paper.
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