This week I have been asked to keep track of moments of empathy and to note my reactions. I'm not really sure if I am supposed to notice others' empathy or my own... so to start I will write about my own.
Today I practiced patience over the phone with each person I spoke with. I feel like I was able to connect with each person and hear their story. I felt like I was not only doing my job but taking the time to observe them in however they were feeling as they spoke with me. Most were pleasant conversationalists and those who were impatient I could tell sensed that I was trying to take my time with them and I sensed their tension release a bit.
I think my favorite moment today was when I was at a register paying for a meal. I noticed what I thought was a GIANT grapefruit, of which I made a comment to the cashier. She mentioned how they were her favorite fruit and I saw her eyes light up. She told me that where she came from they are called "pomelo" and that they are very sweet if you let them sit for a week or more (I later learned when I came home that pomelo and grapefruit are different fruit but closely related). I thanked her for her service and wished her a warm and happy evening. Her eyes twinkled once more and I sensed a genuine smile from her as she wished the same for me. A simple interaction between two people, but delightful. I felt like I was taking home the feeling of warmth, happiness and satisfaction rather than a container of leftover pad thai. I think what makes the difference is taking the time to connect and ask something about the other person (or something that interests them) to create a genuine/memorable connection. In terms of empathy, it means not shutting people out but welcoming them in, regardless of where they are in their day or how they are feeling. Making room for their response whatever it may be and allowing myself to be comfortable with knowing that others might not make the same allowance for connection or time with me and to respect their boundary/wish for time/space.
I am thankful that my car started this morning without much hesitation. I am thankful that I was able to share dinner with my mom at our favorite Chinese restaurant (which we have been going to since I was four years old, maybe even younger). Thankful for fresh fruit; I had two clementines today... and candied pecans from Local 48, Atlanta. Their letter was so gracious, thanking Local 34 for extending work opportunities to their members throughout this past year. It is good to be reminded of generosity, whether it be of time or resources – may we all share as we are best able.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Day 77: Dec. 8, 2013
The following is an email I wrote in Jan's absence to our class recapping the week and highlighting homework.
Hello Tribe! Claire here with a recap/homework for the week ahead –
Today we talked about Part One of Dr. Dean Ornish's Program for Reversing Heart Disease. After sharing excerpts and thoughts about the book it seems that we all took away the concept that isolation creates dis-ease and connection and intimacy create healing. If you haven't already completed reading part one of the book, it is recommended that you do so :)
Dean pointed out a wise nugget he picked up somewhere on the difference between Illness and wellness (which was also in our reading, Dr. Ornish talks about the dangers of I versus we).If we had an interest in reading more on mind/body connection, Jason recommended a book called Molecules of Emotion by Candace Pert. This book further illustrates how connections influence well being.
We reviewed the five types of adjustments:
1. Presence
2. Verbal cues
3. Press points
4. Physical manipulation
5. Modeling (as the least often used method)
To emphasize presence, we went through several exercises to help us increase our understanding and experience of empathy. Michelle emphatically stressed how important she has found empathy to be as a teacher; to have students feel like the teacher is WITH them and not above them.
The first exercise we did was with a single partner. We sat together and spent ten minutes looking into each other's eyes. This experience revealed different things for each person (some vulnerability, others laughter) but overall we took away a sense of connection and love that we can have for another if we just take the time to see another person/that "hate" is very difficult to experience when we realize that another person is so very much like us...
Two links here to share. One is "Touching Strangers" by Richard Rinaldi (click link for YouTube video).
The other is by Marina Abramovic´ e Ulay – MOMA 2010. (Watch this one, it is amazing.)
Next we formed groups of three and took turns being the observer watching two students. Two in the group would practice Sun Salutations A/B while the third person as the teacher simply watched. After four minutes, the teacher would share what they observed and the students would confirm or clarify what the teacher observed about their practice (if the teacher's observations were accurate or not). Most found they were.
Jason stressed to us here that it is important for us to keep practicing our teaching of the short form Ashtanga and the Vinyasa variations so that we don't have to spend any time thinking about logistics and can focus more on our students/helping them when we spot areas that we can assist.
Our next exercise we found ourselves with one partner. We sat back to back and observed each other's breathing. After several minutes of silent observation, one partner would turn around to face the other partner's back, place their hands on that person's back and simply feel their breath. After another minute or so the partner, having laid their hands on the other partner's back, would begin to massage the seated partner. We each took turns being the recipient and the giver of massage, allowing intuition and trust guide us. Again, this exercise taught us the power of touch, connection and kinship.
We then discussed that there are two qualities that ensure growth as a yoga teacher:
1. Empathy (as previously discussed)
2. Grit (sticking with it)
We proceeded to practice both of these qualities with our final group exercise for the day. In groups of three we practiced creating sacred space, introducing ujjayi pranayama, guiding/reminding/letting flow on their own Sun Salutation A/B Vinyasa variations (using verbal cues/hands in empathic way to relate to the student). The final challenge was integrating benefits - if possible! Each person in the group of three had the chance to be a teacher while the other two participated as students; we each were able to receive and give constructive feedback.
Finally we were given a few quick press point ideas/options for physical manipulation:
*cupping/pressing opposite shoulders in utkatasana twist
*squaring hips/pressing through heel/pressing bent knee further forward/lifting arms up or back to increase chest expansion in virabhadrasana 1.
HOMEWORK:
- Continue Daily Disciplines (Yoga Meal, Yoga Practice, Meditation, Gratitude).
- Read introduction to Light on Yoga/ be prepared to share 2-3 thoughts/insights on reading/have a question for the group. (Can do study guide questions too.)
- Attend 1+ Hot Vinyasa class at a Lifetime
* Practice teaching at least 3 times. Continue to practice creating sacred space, establishing ujjayi pranayama breath, introduce bandhas, vinayasa variations A/B and incorporate adjustments into teaching practice.
- Journal about moments of empathy and connection. What results does it create?
Special Assignment!! If your schedule allows attend one or all of the following short form Ashtanga classes taught by ouramazing classmates:
*Dean will be teaching at 6:30 p.m. on Tuesday, December 10 at Eden Prairie Athletic Club on Prairie Center Drive (be there or be square).
*Mary is subbing for Jan at Highland this Thursday, December 12 at 12:00/noon.
*Kara is leading the 6:00 a.m. class here at Highland this Friday, December 13. (REPLY ALL/CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG ABOUT THIS ONE!)
So many opportunities to grow in our practice and support one another. Make a great week!
Love,
Claire
**Oh and one more video link! I saw this yesterday after finishing my reading and thought it was worth sharing. I hope that cases of cancer do go down within our lifetime as more and more people learn about healthier ways of living, but while cancer remains I hope that we can provide hope and light to those who otherwise feel downtrodden... I thought this video/experience was great as it allowed these people to alleviate their suffering/forget the circumstance that otherwise is a crushing weight on each of them every day. Maybe we can do this for people too? Perhaps not with makeup and fancy hairdo's, but hey why not try with yoga?
"20 cancer patients participated in a unique makeover experience. They were invited to a studio. Their hair and makeup were completely redone. During the transformation, they were asked to keep their eyes shut. A photographer then immortalized the moment they opened their eyes. This discovery allowed them to forget their illness, IF ONLY FOR A SECOND. "
Monday, December 2, 2013
Day 71: Dec. 2, 2013
It snowed today. After work I decided to stay home and do my yoga practice alone. I set up a fire in the fireplace and practiced in the living room when my housemates were out to dinner. I only did my Sun Salutations today but that was enough for me. I don't know why Mondays are so difficult but I feel exhausted inevitably every Monday evening. Had I headed straight to Lifetime from work I would have had to wait two hours for class... so going home and staying there seems more my speed (especially on a night when traffic is a standstill in response to the first snow of the season). Blah blah, no one needs to read this stuff. "Excuses just satisfy the ones who make them" said Mr. Lofboom, my 7th grade English composition teacher.
It was interesting not practicing with my mat (it was in the trunk of my car and I did not care to go outside to fetch it once I changed into my yoga attire). I practiced barefoot on the rug and found it was very difficult to maintain my balance/grip. It's amazing how much work our feet do to keep us grounded all the time. I felt some tightness in my hamstrings and quadriceps today. I almost glided into my up dogs, so that was kind of cool. The sequences did heat up my core quickly today. Perhaps it was because I was working so hard to get my feet to keep my grounded but I felt like my mala and uddiayana bandhas were fully engaged and roaring with heat.
During my meditation I had the thought come to me that I shouldn't avoid doing what I'm interested despite my hesitation regarding finances. I am interested in studying massage and Reiki; what is stopping me? Me. As Cloud Cult says "You're the Only Thing in Your Way." I'm not sure if I want to practice ONE of these things more than another but I think they would all work well, holistically together. I am also still drawn towards arts education (but haven't decided exactly what that means yet). I had to work hard to keep my focus on my breath because I was so excited by my discovery (that I am the one blocking myself, no one else). I am so much more powerful and capable than I give myself credit for. This is my one life, I want to be sure I use it fully to educate and love others. I want to promote healing and understanding. I want to share peace and calm, offer serenity, joy and connection.
For my yoga meal I will write about my breakfast. I did not sit down, I ate standing in the kitchen next to Pippa this morning at 6:15 a.m. I ate a fried egg with mushrooms and a sliced up onion and the remaining half of a leftover sweet potato. I think this meal was beneficial for my good start today. I did not get hungry until about 10:30 a.m. which is later than usual, I'm typically craving sustenance around 9:00. It was good eating next to her, hearing about her night and generally just sharing the moment. We were rushed but I did not talk with food in my mouth and I ate each bite fully before starting the next. Having something different helped me savor the pleasant and varied flavors present in my dish. I highly recommend improvising breakfast to anyone who is reading this; cereal can be great but it can be so blah that there isn't much to think about or appreciate. Eating a warm non-traditional meal helped me remember to take notice of the food I was preparing/eating. It wasn't my plan to have a sweet potato with breakfast but I think I will make it a more regular thing (at least during this season of the year)! Talk about breakfast with a punch (of vitamins).
I am grateful for a warm fire, a comfy couch to sit on; a safe drive home. I am grateful that my Mom was able to get help from AAA to get access to her car (she locked her keys, phone and purse inside). Thank goodness she wasn't locked out of work – I cannot imagine her having to find her way in the dark on the icy sidewalk shuffling her way to a pay phone (do those still exist? I know there is a gas station about a mile from her work). I am grateful that my friend Brigit survived a fire that occurred last Friday in her apartment building in Chicago. May she be able to have her own space once again before too long and may her neighbors, who were less fortunate and lost a dog and most of their belongings, may this event show them the generous and loving nature of those surrounding them/may they not be in want of any necessity.
I am grateful for my overwhelming desire to contribute or give back to people; my desire to share extends beyond those I know personally to friends of the family (and strangers). I am SO happy to hear the Chris, a woman that attends the Sunday yoga class, found a job at the UMN/Fairview clinic. She was unemployed right around the time I was offered the job at the Union, so I am happy we were able to reconnect and that she has had success – she is working right where she wanted to be! I am happy to know that Connie's cat Hendrix pulled through, his vet said he wasn't doing well on Thanksgiving but he managed to survive the holiday and has come back strong.
I am thankful for the Christmas tree in our living room. I grew up with plastic trees and this one is triumphant in its stance. These pictures are just close ups of their ornaments but again, majestic :) It's great to have the smell of evergreen in the house, it's new to me and I keep wondering where it is coming from, then I remember – the tree! I don't know if I would ever choose to buy a tree or have one cut down for my living room in the future (so much to take care of) but I will enjoy this one.
It was interesting not practicing with my mat (it was in the trunk of my car and I did not care to go outside to fetch it once I changed into my yoga attire). I practiced barefoot on the rug and found it was very difficult to maintain my balance/grip. It's amazing how much work our feet do to keep us grounded all the time. I felt some tightness in my hamstrings and quadriceps today. I almost glided into my up dogs, so that was kind of cool. The sequences did heat up my core quickly today. Perhaps it was because I was working so hard to get my feet to keep my grounded but I felt like my mala and uddiayana bandhas were fully engaged and roaring with heat.
During my meditation I had the thought come to me that I shouldn't avoid doing what I'm interested despite my hesitation regarding finances. I am interested in studying massage and Reiki; what is stopping me? Me. As Cloud Cult says "You're the Only Thing in Your Way." I'm not sure if I want to practice ONE of these things more than another but I think they would all work well, holistically together. I am also still drawn towards arts education (but haven't decided exactly what that means yet). I had to work hard to keep my focus on my breath because I was so excited by my discovery (that I am the one blocking myself, no one else). I am so much more powerful and capable than I give myself credit for. This is my one life, I want to be sure I use it fully to educate and love others. I want to promote healing and understanding. I want to share peace and calm, offer serenity, joy and connection.
For my yoga meal I will write about my breakfast. I did not sit down, I ate standing in the kitchen next to Pippa this morning at 6:15 a.m. I ate a fried egg with mushrooms and a sliced up onion and the remaining half of a leftover sweet potato. I think this meal was beneficial for my good start today. I did not get hungry until about 10:30 a.m. which is later than usual, I'm typically craving sustenance around 9:00. It was good eating next to her, hearing about her night and generally just sharing the moment. We were rushed but I did not talk with food in my mouth and I ate each bite fully before starting the next. Having something different helped me savor the pleasant and varied flavors present in my dish. I highly recommend improvising breakfast to anyone who is reading this; cereal can be great but it can be so blah that there isn't much to think about or appreciate. Eating a warm non-traditional meal helped me remember to take notice of the food I was preparing/eating. It wasn't my plan to have a sweet potato with breakfast but I think I will make it a more regular thing (at least during this season of the year)! Talk about breakfast with a punch (of vitamins).
I am grateful for a warm fire, a comfy couch to sit on; a safe drive home. I am grateful that my Mom was able to get help from AAA to get access to her car (she locked her keys, phone and purse inside). Thank goodness she wasn't locked out of work – I cannot imagine her having to find her way in the dark on the icy sidewalk shuffling her way to a pay phone (do those still exist? I know there is a gas station about a mile from her work). I am grateful that my friend Brigit survived a fire that occurred last Friday in her apartment building in Chicago. May she be able to have her own space once again before too long and may her neighbors, who were less fortunate and lost a dog and most of their belongings, may this event show them the generous and loving nature of those surrounding them/may they not be in want of any necessity.
I am grateful for my overwhelming desire to contribute or give back to people; my desire to share extends beyond those I know personally to friends of the family (and strangers). I am SO happy to hear the Chris, a woman that attends the Sunday yoga class, found a job at the UMN/Fairview clinic. She was unemployed right around the time I was offered the job at the Union, so I am happy we were able to reconnect and that she has had success – she is working right where she wanted to be! I am happy to know that Connie's cat Hendrix pulled through, his vet said he wasn't doing well on Thanksgiving but he managed to survive the holiday and has come back strong.
I am thankful for the Christmas tree in our living room. I grew up with plastic trees and this one is triumphant in its stance. These pictures are just close ups of their ornaments but again, majestic :) It's great to have the smell of evergreen in the house, it's new to me and I keep wondering where it is coming from, then I remember – the tree! I don't know if I would ever choose to buy a tree or have one cut down for my living room in the future (so much to take care of) but I will enjoy this one.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Day 70: Dec. 1, 2013
Today was the first Sunday of Advent. I did not go to church (I haven't for quite some time) but I thought of my Mom and Dad and remembered this day. I wondered what the liturgy was, so I looked it up. All the readings from the ELCA website were about being ready, anticipation of the coming of Christ. I guess this makes sense in preparation for Christmas. I'm just used to the idea that the readings are more reflective of the anticipation of the birth of Jesus than the ministry of Jesus.
[The lectionary for Year A. Subsequent information on Year A, B, C and how they differ.]
In YOGA news:
I woke up around 8:30 a.m. Had a bowl of oatmeal. Got ready and then went to 11:15 Ashtanga yoga, led this week by Jan. There were several moments where we laughed as a group. A first: I loved the inclusion of Amos Lee's Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight song during savasana.
Usually I'm disturbed by music but since I was not trying to quiet my mind at this time I just found myself smiling in response to the music and lyrics of this song. I had one tear (usually when I cry, I'm a bawling wreck). While it was not a huge sob fest - I did feel a gentle happy release. I remembered when I first heard this song, back at Saint Olaf. It touched me then but it touches me differently now, having a better understanding of adult life (paying rent, appreciating greatness in the man I choose to be in a relationship with; recognizing what beauty is and where it's found - in everyone around me).
Following class we had a 30 minute meditation, I was asked to lead mettā-meditation which caught me by surprise. It was a pleasant experience, much like leading a family prayer. One woman even took the opportunity to ask for loving thoughts for her friend who was going through cancer. I did not quite know how to wrap things up but Jan gracefully took over and we ended with our typical saying "may all beings feel peace, may all beings share love and compassion." She did not share any feedback afterwards so apparently my freeform method worked out. So that was funny. I was ready to lead a Sun Salutation A or B sequence but did not anticipate being called on for mettā-meditation. Good surprise to have I guess. After class I spoke with Aviel. He wasn't feeling too well, so we post-poned our practice teaching session which actually was a relief. I was happy to have the day free to go grocery shopping, enjoy a walk and catch up on some more reading.
Yoga Meal: After I went grocery shopping I came home and cut open a grapefruit. I ate both halves of it without any added sugar, just as it was. I made sure to enjoy the juice left from the remaining pulp inside the rind, which I squeezed into my bowl. After waiting several minutes I found that I was still hungry so I prepare a bowl of almond granola with whole fat yogurt. This was very satisfying. I remained seated throughout my meal (aside from getting up to prepare the bowl of granola). I had no interruptions/did not speak to anyone while I was eating. I was not rushed and was able to take the time to consider each bite. I savored the richness present in each of the items I chose for my meal. Overall, a success!
Gratitude: Thankful for this long weekend, 4 days. Time with loved ones. Time alone. Enjoyed a fireplace, a few walks, several cups of tea. Met my goal of drinking eight glasses of water three days in a row now. Met my sleep goal each night over this break as well (despite being kept up late with a house party next door last night and a house party here on Wednesday). Hoping I can bring the energy and wellness with me into this week. Heading to bed now so I can wake up refreshed and ready to give tomorrow/next week my all. Peace be to all. Happiness be with all. May there be less suffering and more understanding in our world. Goodnight.
[The lectionary for Year A. Subsequent information on Year A, B, C and how they differ.]
In YOGA news:
I woke up around 8:30 a.m. Had a bowl of oatmeal. Got ready and then went to 11:15 Ashtanga yoga, led this week by Jan. There were several moments where we laughed as a group. A first: I loved the inclusion of Amos Lee's Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight song during savasana.
Amos' lyrics to Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight:
Well I walked over the
bridge
Into the city where I
live,
and I saw my old landlord.
Well we both said hello,
There was no where else to
go,
'cuz his rent I couldn't
afford.
Well relationships
change,
Oh I think it's kinda
strange,
How money makes a man
grow.
Some people they claim,
If you get enough fame,
You live over the rainbow.
Over the rainbow...
But the people on the
street,
Out on buses or on feet,
We all got the same blood
flow.
Oh, in society,
every
dollar got a deed,
We all need a place so we can go,
and feel over the
rainbow.
But sometimes,
We forget what we got,
Who we are.
Oh who are
are not.
I think we gotta chance,
To make it right.
Keep it loose,
Keep it tight.
Keep it tight.
I'm in love with a girl,
Who's in love with the
world,
Though I can't help but
follow.
Though I know some day,
She is bound to go away,
And stay over the rainbow.
Gotta learn how to let her
go.
Over the rainbow.
Sometimes we forget who we
got,
Who they are.
Oh, who
they are not.
There is so much more in
love,
Than black and white.
Keep it loose child,
Gotta keep it tight.
Keep it loose child,
Keep it tight.
**I highlighted some of the words that stuck out to me today.
Following class we had a 30 minute meditation, I was asked to lead mettā-meditation which caught me by surprise. It was a pleasant experience, much like leading a family prayer. One woman even took the opportunity to ask for loving thoughts for her friend who was going through cancer. I did not quite know how to wrap things up but Jan gracefully took over and we ended with our typical saying "may all beings feel peace, may all beings share love and compassion." She did not share any feedback afterwards so apparently my freeform method worked out. So that was funny. I was ready to lead a Sun Salutation A or B sequence but did not anticipate being called on for mettā-meditation. Good surprise to have I guess. After class I spoke with Aviel. He wasn't feeling too well, so we post-poned our practice teaching session which actually was a relief. I was happy to have the day free to go grocery shopping, enjoy a walk and catch up on some more reading.
Yoga Meal: After I went grocery shopping I came home and cut open a grapefruit. I ate both halves of it without any added sugar, just as it was. I made sure to enjoy the juice left from the remaining pulp inside the rind, which I squeezed into my bowl. After waiting several minutes I found that I was still hungry so I prepare a bowl of almond granola with whole fat yogurt. This was very satisfying. I remained seated throughout my meal (aside from getting up to prepare the bowl of granola). I had no interruptions/did not speak to anyone while I was eating. I was not rushed and was able to take the time to consider each bite. I savored the richness present in each of the items I chose for my meal. Overall, a success!
Gratitude: Thankful for this long weekend, 4 days. Time with loved ones. Time alone. Enjoyed a fireplace, a few walks, several cups of tea. Met my goal of drinking eight glasses of water three days in a row now. Met my sleep goal each night over this break as well (despite being kept up late with a house party next door last night and a house party here on Wednesday). Hoping I can bring the energy and wellness with me into this week. Heading to bed now so I can wake up refreshed and ready to give tomorrow/next week my all. Peace be to all. Happiness be with all. May there be less suffering and more understanding in our world. Goodnight.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Days 67, 68, 69: Nov. 28, 29, 30, 2013
Thanksgiving
I'm thankful for: having a job and getting the day off (PLUS FRIDAY)! I am thankful for getting to spend the holiday with Andrew and Mom. It was nice not having to travel anywhere. I did not have to do any of the food preparation this year so there was absolutely no stress there.
I started my Thanksgiving holiday with a 10:00 practice led by Jan. It was fantastic. I cried during pigeon pose. Right before that I had an interesting experience. We were transitioning from vinyasa flow to yin postures when I almost blacked out. We were sitting on our knees and doing backbends to open our hearts. When I leaned back I found I couldn't see or hear. I sank into child's pose and found that I had lost my ujjayi breath and was breathing out of my mouth. I came back into the pose when I found I could hear again but felt very winded and unsteady. I am not sure where that came from and was meaning to ask Jan after class but when it came down to saying thank you/goodbye after class I didn't remember. It is only upon reflection that I remember how at odds with myself I was. Jan was talking about overcoming one's edge and I wasn't sure that was what I was up against. I think I was facing low blood pressure or something like that...
Beautiful clear sky, sunlight.
We ate a spiral cut ham with blackberries, pineapple, kiwi, green beans, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and french rolls. For dessert we had apple cake, which is essentially baked apple slices with graham cracker crumble layers topped with (soy) whipped cream.
Andrew taught me how to play Farkle. It was fun to play once I understood what was going on. I even won two rounds, he one once.
For seasonal entertainment we watched one of my favorite "classic" movies, Holiday Inn. My Mom enjoyed seeing it again and Andrew did not seem to mind it too much. I think the reason I like the movie so much is that it kind of serves like a time capsule and I am intrigued each time I see/hear it.
After the movie we sat around the table for a few hours and shared conversation. When it was about 10:00 p.m. I sat in the living room and let our dog Sophie sit / sleep on my lap, which was nice. I listened to Andrew tell his story to my Mom. I can never seem to hear his story enough (not that I beg to hear it, but it helps me understand why he is the way he is and appreciate his choices and the person he has become). It was after midnight when we left. We went back to Andrew's place to make sure his cat had been fed and then we went to sleep.
Yesterday/Friday: A day off of work. Was wonderful to sleep in (but because I did so I missed morning classes at Lifetime). It was my intention to go to an evening class but when the time came I felt resistance. I was torn between going to practice or spending time with a friend in need. I felt selfish because I did not initially want to give up my alone time but decided I should since she had asked me so directly to spend time with her. I did find joy in spending time with her because it was something she needed. We shared a meal together and then I watched her do some crafting. I read a little from Dr. Dean Ornish's Program for Reversing Heart Disease then Andrew came home. I went to sleep pretty soon thereafter and he stayed awake playing a video game.
Today:
Slept in until just after 9 a.m. Had breakfast with Andrew, talked with his sister a little bit. It was my plan to go to the Hot Vinyasa class at 9:30 but I didn't make it out the door in time; I wasn't interested in the morning Yin practice so I stayed with them for a while. We watched two episodes of South Park. Andrew had an opening shift today so left early. I took a shower. I was about to head back to my place but then Laura asked if I wanted to hang out more, so I stayed. We went on a walk. Now we're enjoying some tea together, listening to choral music.
Just had two bowls of soup that Laura made: sweet potato, onion with ginger and garlic. We each had half of a bagel with some avocado and siracha, topped with lox and half of a hard-boiled egg. Very colorful meal and tasty. Was happy to take my time to eat with her. She asked me about my yoga journey and wanted to know more about my faith/if I was interested in going to church with her sometime. I haven't been an active church-goer Christian for many years but I said I would consider going with her on Sundays once my yoga teacher training is complete.
I have yet to meditate today or do a physical practice, but I have learned that Laura is interested in having me teach her yoga at some point, so I have another willing student. Happy I can spend tonight catching up on journaling and then do some more reading from the reversing heart disease book. I will get myself to do 5 As and 5 Bs and meditation before I settle down for bed.
I'm thankful for: having a job and getting the day off (PLUS FRIDAY)! I am thankful for getting to spend the holiday with Andrew and Mom. It was nice not having to travel anywhere. I did not have to do any of the food preparation this year so there was absolutely no stress there.
I started my Thanksgiving holiday with a 10:00 practice led by Jan. It was fantastic. I cried during pigeon pose. Right before that I had an interesting experience. We were transitioning from vinyasa flow to yin postures when I almost blacked out. We were sitting on our knees and doing backbends to open our hearts. When I leaned back I found I couldn't see or hear. I sank into child's pose and found that I had lost my ujjayi breath and was breathing out of my mouth. I came back into the pose when I found I could hear again but felt very winded and unsteady. I am not sure where that came from and was meaning to ask Jan after class but when it came down to saying thank you/goodbye after class I didn't remember. It is only upon reflection that I remember how at odds with myself I was. Jan was talking about overcoming one's edge and I wasn't sure that was what I was up against. I think I was facing low blood pressure or something like that...
Beautiful clear sky, sunlight.
We ate a spiral cut ham with blackberries, pineapple, kiwi, green beans, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and french rolls. For dessert we had apple cake, which is essentially baked apple slices with graham cracker crumble layers topped with (soy) whipped cream.
Andrew taught me how to play Farkle. It was fun to play once I understood what was going on. I even won two rounds, he one once.
For seasonal entertainment we watched one of my favorite "classic" movies, Holiday Inn. My Mom enjoyed seeing it again and Andrew did not seem to mind it too much. I think the reason I like the movie so much is that it kind of serves like a time capsule and I am intrigued each time I see/hear it.
After the movie we sat around the table for a few hours and shared conversation. When it was about 10:00 p.m. I sat in the living room and let our dog Sophie sit / sleep on my lap, which was nice. I listened to Andrew tell his story to my Mom. I can never seem to hear his story enough (not that I beg to hear it, but it helps me understand why he is the way he is and appreciate his choices and the person he has become). It was after midnight when we left. We went back to Andrew's place to make sure his cat had been fed and then we went to sleep.
Yesterday/Friday: A day off of work. Was wonderful to sleep in (but because I did so I missed morning classes at Lifetime). It was my intention to go to an evening class but when the time came I felt resistance. I was torn between going to practice or spending time with a friend in need. I felt selfish because I did not initially want to give up my alone time but decided I should since she had asked me so directly to spend time with her. I did find joy in spending time with her because it was something she needed. We shared a meal together and then I watched her do some crafting. I read a little from Dr. Dean Ornish's Program for Reversing Heart Disease then Andrew came home. I went to sleep pretty soon thereafter and he stayed awake playing a video game.
Today:
Slept in until just after 9 a.m. Had breakfast with Andrew, talked with his sister a little bit. It was my plan to go to the Hot Vinyasa class at 9:30 but I didn't make it out the door in time; I wasn't interested in the morning Yin practice so I stayed with them for a while. We watched two episodes of South Park. Andrew had an opening shift today so left early. I took a shower. I was about to head back to my place but then Laura asked if I wanted to hang out more, so I stayed. We went on a walk. Now we're enjoying some tea together, listening to choral music.
Just had two bowls of soup that Laura made: sweet potato, onion with ginger and garlic. We each had half of a bagel with some avocado and siracha, topped with lox and half of a hard-boiled egg. Very colorful meal and tasty. Was happy to take my time to eat with her. She asked me about my yoga journey and wanted to know more about my faith/if I was interested in going to church with her sometime. I haven't been an active church-goer Christian for many years but I said I would consider going with her on Sundays once my yoga teacher training is complete.
I have yet to meditate today or do a physical practice, but I have learned that Laura is interested in having me teach her yoga at some point, so I have another willing student. Happy I can spend tonight catching up on journaling and then do some more reading from the reversing heart disease book. I will get myself to do 5 As and 5 Bs and meditation before I settle down for bed.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Day 63: Nov. 23, 2013
Been enjoying my Jawbone UP 24. Have been waiting a week for it (after months of debate, was trying to decide between the Fitbit and Jawbone while I was working at Juut but never rushed into buying it). I ordered it online last week as a way to celebrate my first pay check and to keep myself motivated/moving. Wore it while I slept last night and have worn it throughout the day today. Been fun to track my activities and understand my sleep patterns a bit better.
Today I got out of bed just after 8:00 a.m. The sun was shining brightly. About 10º F outside. Ate an apple with Nutella for breakfast. Cleaned out my purse. Got rid of several things (I tend to hang on to receipts for a while). Made lunch. Ate a fried egg with a white onion and green pepper with a glass of orange juice. Met up with Ceri, Jesse, Jen and Patrick to see Catching Fire. Pippa was going to come along but became absorbed in her writing so she decided to stay back. The movie was fantastic. As an adaptation I was not disappointed. It left me feeling the way I did when I finished the book, completely exhausted but compelled to see it through/learn what happens next in Mockingjay.
The theater we went to was in my old neighborhood. There have been several "improvements" made to the interior, the most notable was the seating. All the seats are plush leather lounge chairs that recline as desired (electronically). What a change. Made it more comfortable sitting up near the front of the house (never would have been my choice to sit in the second row but that's where the group gravitated). With the break in between chairs I was able to slip out more easily than having to disturb an entire row, so that was a perk too of the new arrangement.
**I was interrupted during the writing of this entry so I am coming back to it a week later. I don't remember what I did for my yoga practice or meditation for that day. The last few weeks have gone primarily undocumented. Trying to catch up now (Nov. 30, 2013).
Today I got out of bed just after 8:00 a.m. The sun was shining brightly. About 10º F outside. Ate an apple with Nutella for breakfast. Cleaned out my purse. Got rid of several things (I tend to hang on to receipts for a while). Made lunch. Ate a fried egg with a white onion and green pepper with a glass of orange juice. Met up with Ceri, Jesse, Jen and Patrick to see Catching Fire. Pippa was going to come along but became absorbed in her writing so she decided to stay back. The movie was fantastic. As an adaptation I was not disappointed. It left me feeling the way I did when I finished the book, completely exhausted but compelled to see it through/learn what happens next in Mockingjay.
The theater we went to was in my old neighborhood. There have been several "improvements" made to the interior, the most notable was the seating. All the seats are plush leather lounge chairs that recline as desired (electronically). What a change. Made it more comfortable sitting up near the front of the house (never would have been my choice to sit in the second row but that's where the group gravitated). With the break in between chairs I was able to slip out more easily than having to disturb an entire row, so that was a perk too of the new arrangement.
**I was interrupted during the writing of this entry so I am coming back to it a week later. I don't remember what I did for my yoga practice or meditation for that day. The last few weeks have gone primarily undocumented. Trying to catch up now (Nov. 30, 2013).
Friday, November 22, 2013
Day 62: Nov. 22, 2013
So grateful for an opportunity to meet awesome women last night through my friend Wynnie. We convened for the purpose of listening to each other and celebrating having a voice/story to tell. Using the Trust Your Vibes card set by Sonia Choquette we took turns speaking. It was very much like a Zelig circle where the first person talks for three minutes about anything they want to, all others listen. Then the others speak one at a time for one minute saying what they observed the other person saying, not offering criticism, just feedback on when they saw the speaker "light up" and then the original speaker gets another opportunity to reiterate what they learned from hearing the feedback. This very much reminded me of the ZEGG Forum I was able to participate in at Song of the Morning two summers in a row (2010 and 2011) during teens and twenties week. Last night I drew a card from the Trust Your Vibes deck that was completely perfect for what I need/where I am in my life right now and I just had to share that. It was "Clear Your Path." There was an image of a person who was holding a lamp or a staff that was connected to the sun. I saw a dove on the left and a heart with wings. A chain was broken and an unlocked lock across the center and above the person. In the lower right there was an image of a guardian. It spoke to me immediately as not dwelling on the past and having learned to live in the present moment and being grateful for all of my experiences/not holding on to resentment.
Wynnie's was "Body Talk"
Ellie's was "Tell Your Story"
Kim's was "Play"
Connie's was "Solutions"
I loved hearing these other women share their insight and stories. I was especially struck by Connie's discussion of discovering that we all have a "sacred wound" that occurred to us at an early age and effects the way we interact with others/can help explain our emotional responses to certain situations. I know mine. I don't know the exact age I was but it was a particular thing one of my parents said to me that greatly explains where my anxiety and sadness comes from. I feel like it isn't something I should write about on here, not yet at least. Trying to decide if it is something I should share with this other person or if by simply knowing/recognizing the hurt and honoring my sacred wound I can come to respond with more love and understanding.
Today's yoga class with Jan was beautiful. 4:30 Slow Burn. She was subbing for Jill who had a family emergency. Jan set up candles and provided aromatherapy which was a great way to slow down and appreciate a Friday afternoon. I really got into my body and was able to keep my eyes closed throughout the duration of the class. I was not really aware of who was around me although I could feel the energy in the room and was aware of breathing around me. I appreciated this flow and feel like it nourished my soul. Jan has a way with words where she always says something applicable. May I also have the power to stir people's souls and give inspiration.
It was Jen's birthday today. I celebrated with her, Patrick, Ceri, Jesse, Accala, Betsy, John, Phoebe and Nick(?) who were all the way at the other end of the table. It was a fun meal out. Italian cuisine. I had to turn down wine. Twice.
Work has been good. Stressful at times, specifically when learning more of the back story of how things were before Tina and I started there. I'm still processing what I have heard. Trying to interpret what it means for me and my safety. I should be fine but apparently Sam and Al have been threatened by disgruntled members.
As for my blog, I am not going to try and backtrack at this point but if I make references to missing dates I will be fine with that. I needed more time for myself these past two weeks and perhaps my daily blogging as an expectation worked fine when I had a more flexible schedule but right now I'm busy M-F 5 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. and then I'm too exhausted to write. I know it is a daily discipline but I might not take it as seriously as needing to mediate, study or do physical practice. Now it is after 10:00 Friday evening and I need to go to sleep. I felt a little headachy and stuffy at work today, hoping to ward off any pending sickness. Goodnight.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
"Defining My Edge"
How do you define the edge in your life (what does it mean)?
How do you find your edge in yoga and in your life?
At this time it is far easier for me to recognize my edge when I am on the mat. Sometimes it comes as a distinct sharpness. Other times my edge establishes itself as the creeping doubt of exhaustion. Thoughts emerge such as, “I can't do this” or “I'm so tired/sore/thirsty/off balance.” These are excuses. Just thoughts. Being brought to my edge gives me an opportunity to learn. These messages signify what I need to do and help me understand all that I need to change. My body reminds me through these messages to eat more regularly and nutritiously, to drink more water and to sleep more consistently.
But how did I initially find my edge? What did it signify and how has it changed me? I knowingly met and experienced my edge for the first time during a Life Power class shortly after I started yoga teacher training. The studio was dimly lit, I was among thirty or forty other practitioners and my mat was in the back row. During one of our flow sequences the instructor called out for us to hold plank and continue to breathe; I had not anticipated this. My arms shook and were tired from the previous day's practice (the cumulative amount of chaturanga dandasanas was new to me). It was at this point I decided to go into child's pose to regain composure. A previous teacher had suggested child’s pose as a good place to go for rest between postures. I had just lowered down to my mat and was immediately called out for it – “Claire! We're in plank; come back. Stay with us!”
I find it extraordinarily humorous to encounter this essay topic, particularly at this time in my life. Perhaps it is just “that time” in the program and my experience is par for the course but I am finding that I have met my edge with this class – I want nothing more than to run from my practice! I am continuously tempted to drown out my dedication to the promises I have made to myself and others by doing other things with my time. I draw great comfort from the axiom “I am where I am supposed to be” and I am grateful to know that others in my class are experiencing this challenge as well... it is with this comfort that I share how I have found and define the concept of edge in my life.Sometimes I feel like my life is segmented: life on and off the mat. However, my increasing awareness has led me to believe that we are always practicing yoga. As Joel Kramer so eloquently states in Yoga as Self-Transformation, “at its core, yoga is a process that involves confronting your limits and transcending them. It is a psychophysical approach to life and to self-understanding that can be creatively adapted to the needs of the times” (Kramer, 165). What new students may not realize is that practicing yoga does not end when you leave the classroom. We all continue to face edges on our own, whether knowingly or not in the world beyond our mat. When we can come to this understanding we can learn how to embrace change and evolve into loving, trusting beings.
At this time it is far easier for me to recognize my edge when I am on the mat. Sometimes it comes as a distinct sharpness. Other times my edge establishes itself as the creeping doubt of exhaustion. Thoughts emerge such as, “I can't do this” or “I'm so tired/sore/thirsty/off balance.” These are excuses. Just thoughts. Being brought to my edge gives me an opportunity to learn. These messages signify what I need to do and help me understand all that I need to change. My body reminds me through these messages to eat more regularly and nutritiously, to drink more water and to sleep more consistently.
But how did I initially find my edge? What did it signify and how has it changed me? I knowingly met and experienced my edge for the first time during a Life Power class shortly after I started yoga teacher training. The studio was dimly lit, I was among thirty or forty other practitioners and my mat was in the back row. During one of our flow sequences the instructor called out for us to hold plank and continue to breathe; I had not anticipated this. My arms shook and were tired from the previous day's practice (the cumulative amount of chaturanga dandasanas was new to me). It was at this point I decided to go into child's pose to regain composure. A previous teacher had suggested child’s pose as a good place to go for rest between postures. I had just lowered down to my mat and was immediately called out for it – “Claire! We're in plank; come back. Stay with us!”
I went from feeling shame to owning my discomfort for what it was – not pain, simply
discomfort. As we held the posture and continued to breathe, the teacher proclaimed that we can all
benefit from recognizing our edge; understanding the difference between pain and discomfort.
“What we face on our mat is little to what we may face in our lives. Outside this room, outside this
time, you may come in contact with something that demands more from you. By knowing your
edge, you can persevere...” This poignant lesson has made me more willing to meet challenges on
my mat with courage and dedication, for I know with certainty that challenges such as holding or
deepening poses are minuscule in comparison to the challenges of life off the mat.
Although my awareness has grown more acute with daily practice, it remains more difficult for me to identify the edges in my daily living (off of the mat). However, I now understand why I have a tendency to act one way or another. I recognize that my avoidance or reluctance towards an activity signifies the presence of an edge.
The edge I most feel is my resistance to change. This corresponds directly with my ego's desire for control. I have always known that I don't like change. I have always done everything in my power to avoid it. Change has meant that I must let go of ways and things I know and understand. Change means I must make room for something new that I may or may not enjoy wholeheartedly. I have gotten better about this in recent years, but fear of change is still the biggest form of resistance that I face.
Kramer addresses resistance as “the way we build security in our life involves habits that we are often not conscious of. Some habits are necessary. [However, they can] become dangerous if we unconsciously let them direct our lives” (Kramer, 166). While Kramer does not say that we we must drop or reform all of our habits he does stress how being unaware can create tension in our bodies and prevent people from evolving physically and spiritually.
Furthermore, “resistance to doing yoga is often feedback that your practice has become stale and habit-bound” (Kramer, 167). While daily yoga practice is relatively new to my life – I can hardly imagine that my practice has become stale – I have found that my ego wants to edge it out altogether. I would rather forego my daily disciplines and stay within my comfort zone than discover something new or have to give up time spent with friends, family, food or actives I enjoy. Deepak Chopra has an affirmation on the importance of letting go of the ego, which I try to remember: by holding on to our egos (E-G-O) we are “Edging God Out.” Instead of making room for change, we cling to old habits which limit our growth. When we recognize the ego trying to take hold, it is important to remember to trust and to breathe, this helps us become more open, creating space for new life, opportunity and connections.
Although my awareness has grown more acute with daily practice, it remains more difficult for me to identify the edges in my daily living (off of the mat). However, I now understand why I have a tendency to act one way or another. I recognize that my avoidance or reluctance towards an activity signifies the presence of an edge.
The edge I most feel is my resistance to change. This corresponds directly with my ego's desire for control. I have always known that I don't like change. I have always done everything in my power to avoid it. Change has meant that I must let go of ways and things I know and understand. Change means I must make room for something new that I may or may not enjoy wholeheartedly. I have gotten better about this in recent years, but fear of change is still the biggest form of resistance that I face.
Kramer addresses resistance as “the way we build security in our life involves habits that we are often not conscious of. Some habits are necessary. [However, they can] become dangerous if we unconsciously let them direct our lives” (Kramer, 166). While Kramer does not say that we we must drop or reform all of our habits he does stress how being unaware can create tension in our bodies and prevent people from evolving physically and spiritually.
Furthermore, “resistance to doing yoga is often feedback that your practice has become stale and habit-bound” (Kramer, 167). While daily yoga practice is relatively new to my life – I can hardly imagine that my practice has become stale – I have found that my ego wants to edge it out altogether. I would rather forego my daily disciplines and stay within my comfort zone than discover something new or have to give up time spent with friends, family, food or actives I enjoy. Deepak Chopra has an affirmation on the importance of letting go of the ego, which I try to remember: by holding on to our egos (E-G-O) we are “Edging God Out.” Instead of making room for change, we cling to old habits which limit our growth. When we recognize the ego trying to take hold, it is important to remember to trust and to breathe, this helps us become more open, creating space for new life, opportunity and connections.
To underscore the validity of edges in my life and practice on and off the mat I will share my
observances of ongoing challenges and how they present themselves as edges in my life:
Over the last few weeks I have felt a shift, a tendency towards sloth and resistance to most all of my practice. I want to flee during meditation. I do not want to stay still. I doubt myself and the requirements of this program. I rush through my meals or put off eating entirely. I have noticed patterns of impatience and frustration. My desire to relate to others is often trumped by my desire to overcome past obstacles and be understood. My journaling appears to have gotten stagnant as I overanalyze and dislike my formulaic entries or blog posts, all appear to be written as “this is what I did, how I did...” scenarios. My body has worn down and I have gotten sick.
Despite the resistance I sometimes feel towards my yoga practice, I love it. I have tried to take some more “me time” each day to reground myself so that my practice does not feel like a chore. While I feel like I have encountered a plateau in my physical practice, I am recognizing the edges in my life as indicators of what I can do to accept change, to improve and grow as an individual. Part of this also means learning to acknowledge the growth I have already experienced since the start of yoga teacher training!
As I continue the program, I will remember that practice is cyclical for many and that I am not alone in my plateau experience. Some days I will be more into it and other days I will want to resist. It is my hope that I can learn to play my edges so that I no longer desire to run away but that I return to my mat to explore my body and better understand myself on a daily basis.
Over the last few weeks I have felt a shift, a tendency towards sloth and resistance to most all of my practice. I want to flee during meditation. I do not want to stay still. I doubt myself and the requirements of this program. I rush through my meals or put off eating entirely. I have noticed patterns of impatience and frustration. My desire to relate to others is often trumped by my desire to overcome past obstacles and be understood. My journaling appears to have gotten stagnant as I overanalyze and dislike my formulaic entries or blog posts, all appear to be written as “this is what I did, how I did...” scenarios. My body has worn down and I have gotten sick.
Despite the resistance I sometimes feel towards my yoga practice, I love it. I have tried to take some more “me time” each day to reground myself so that my practice does not feel like a chore. While I feel like I have encountered a plateau in my physical practice, I am recognizing the edges in my life as indicators of what I can do to accept change, to improve and grow as an individual. Part of this also means learning to acknowledge the growth I have already experienced since the start of yoga teacher training!
As I continue the program, I will remember that practice is cyclical for many and that I am not alone in my plateau experience. Some days I will be more into it and other days I will want to resist. It is my hope that I can learn to play my edges so that I no longer desire to run away but that I return to my mat to explore my body and better understand myself on a daily basis.
Day 57: Nov. 17, 2013
[This is a recap, written on Nov. 30. 2013]
What I remember most from this day was the sense of accomplishment that I had after class. I taught my first full Ashtanga sequence to Michelle today without the guidance of any materials. Before I started I felt completely overwhelmed. I did not feel prepared but then I just knew I had to and tried to guide her through my understanding of the sequences. I made it. I taught an hour long class! I helped her establish a sacred space, standing in sama-sthiti, finding her ujjayi breath. When the instructors came around to see how we all were doing and participated in our "classes" I did not freeze up, I continued with my instructions. Breath, movement, drishti. I did forget the order of a few of the poses and missed reverse namaste/prayer but ultimately it was a powerful experience. By teaching the class I surprised myself with my capabilities. I know what I need to work on: learning posture names and sequence order. To improve, I must practice.
What I remember most from this day was the sense of accomplishment that I had after class. I taught my first full Ashtanga sequence to Michelle today without the guidance of any materials. Before I started I felt completely overwhelmed. I did not feel prepared but then I just knew I had to and tried to guide her through my understanding of the sequences. I made it. I taught an hour long class! I helped her establish a sacred space, standing in sama-sthiti, finding her ujjayi breath. When the instructors came around to see how we all were doing and participated in our "classes" I did not freeze up, I continued with my instructions. Breath, movement, drishti. I did forget the order of a few of the poses and missed reverse namaste/prayer but ultimately it was a powerful experience. By teaching the class I surprised myself with my capabilities. I know what I need to work on: learning posture names and sequence order. To improve, I must practice.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Day 55: Nov. 15, 2013
I need to study; write a paper; practice and meditate. I need to sleep. I need to eat. It's amazing how time can pass and one can accomplish very little... :(
Monday, November 11, 2013
Day 51 and 53: Nov. 11 and Nov. 13, 2013
[This is a recap, written on Nov. 30. 2013]
I remember that after work this day I went to visit Katelyn at Juut for a haircut. I was feeling nervous all day about this pending visit mainly because I was not sure I could handle running into my former boss. So I stopped at Byerly's beforehand and picked out a card and a small try of cupcakes. Then I had dinner with my mother at Z Pizza and while we were there one of the employees offered us a pizza that they had made but no one had claimed, so I took that with to Juut as well. It was fun coming to visit. Arriving with gifts elevated my mood and made running into people more enjoyable. I had a lot of energy and enjoyed seeing those who were there. I even exchanged pleasantries with my former boss who was surprised to see me. I am so grateful to feel welcomed there and to have overcome my fear of going back for the first time.
After my haircut I went to the 8:15 Yin class. I don't remember much now as I am writing this several days later but I know that I was glad to have gone. It felt good to have time dedicated to practice and not to rush into it after being sick that weekend.
On Wednesday, Nov. 13 I went to the 4:30 Slow Burn class directly after work, which went really well. I then went to Lunds to buy a salad and headed over to Jen's house for dinner. She made homemade macaroni and cheese which was amazing, it had peppers, broccoli, red onions and crumbled Ritz crackers in it, not to mention a sharp white cheddar cheese sauce, so good! I will have to try to recreate this on my own. Hadn't seen her for a long while, so that was fun to reconnect. It inspired future visits over the coming week (her dinner party a week later and then going to see Catching Fire). That evening she, Patrick and I played a LOTR board game. It took a little while to learn how it worked but it was fun! I was very tired by the time we finished playing, I think it was almost 11 p.m. Ceri made it home so we caught up with her for a little bit, then I headed home to sleep. I remember feeling tired the next day but I don't recall many details for the rest of the week since I did not journal daily.
I remember that after work this day I went to visit Katelyn at Juut for a haircut. I was feeling nervous all day about this pending visit mainly because I was not sure I could handle running into my former boss. So I stopped at Byerly's beforehand and picked out a card and a small try of cupcakes. Then I had dinner with my mother at Z Pizza and while we were there one of the employees offered us a pizza that they had made but no one had claimed, so I took that with to Juut as well. It was fun coming to visit. Arriving with gifts elevated my mood and made running into people more enjoyable. I had a lot of energy and enjoyed seeing those who were there. I even exchanged pleasantries with my former boss who was surprised to see me. I am so grateful to feel welcomed there and to have overcome my fear of going back for the first time.
After my haircut I went to the 8:15 Yin class. I don't remember much now as I am writing this several days later but I know that I was glad to have gone. It felt good to have time dedicated to practice and not to rush into it after being sick that weekend.
On Wednesday, Nov. 13 I went to the 4:30 Slow Burn class directly after work, which went really well. I then went to Lunds to buy a salad and headed over to Jen's house for dinner. She made homemade macaroni and cheese which was amazing, it had peppers, broccoli, red onions and crumbled Ritz crackers in it, not to mention a sharp white cheddar cheese sauce, so good! I will have to try to recreate this on my own. Hadn't seen her for a long while, so that was fun to reconnect. It inspired future visits over the coming week (her dinner party a week later and then going to see Catching Fire). That evening she, Patrick and I played a LOTR board game. It took a little while to learn how it worked but it was fun! I was very tired by the time we finished playing, I think it was almost 11 p.m. Ceri made it home so we caught up with her for a little bit, then I headed home to sleep. I remember feeling tired the next day but I don't recall many details for the rest of the week since I did not journal daily.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Day 50: Nov. 10, 2013
I stayed home from class today. I woke up with a headache and a fever. I didn't exhibit any of the other symptoms Bryce and Pippa have had this week (hoarse voice, coughing) – so I am thankful for that. Spent most of the day in bed or on the couch. When I was not sleeping, I read and drank tea or orange juice. While I did not go to class, I did get my meditation in :)
I originally woke up at 6:30 this morning, after taking some ibuprofen and drinking two tall glasses of water, I sat in the living room to meditate. It was a good practice; still dark outside and my housemates were asleep. I did not set an alarm this time but managed to sit still for 25 minutes before stirring. It was a calm time, my mind was not busy for once. I tried not to fixate on my headache or fever but simply my breath. It was a good experience. I know thoughts arose but I was able to put them aside, as I am not remembering them now. I did dedicate the last few minutes of my practice towards gratitude.
Despite being sick and not going to class, I tried to keep myself on track with meals. I did eat breakfast (a bowl of granola and yogurt) lunch and dinner (left over tortellini with green beans). For lunch I ate the last of the leftover quinoa chili with a slice of whole grain bread. It could just be that I am suddenly sensitive to beans or spice (or that the chili was too old, it was made last Sunday) but my digestive tract experienced quite a bit of gas, which was uncomfortable not to mention embarrassing. Oh well.
I am grateful that I could take the day to rest and recover so I can have good energy to go into the week. I spent a good amount of time this morning trying to decide whether it would be best to push through class with a fever or stay in bed (I'm SO glad I convinced myself to take a sick day – others would not have appreciated me sharing my sickness). I just didn't want to get behind in my studies. I won't. Jan was kind enough to email me back today with a list of the classes scheduled at Highland Park – when I looked online there was only a small portion listed... I think I will start the week slowly by attending the Yin class tomorrow night at 8:15, so as to wind down and sleep soundly Monday night. Tuesday I want to go to Slow Burn (the Hot Vinyasa Flow might be too vigorous for me yet while I recover, but we'll see) and Wednesday I might do one or two classes (there are several back-to-back in the evening). On Thursday I think I would like to attend the Hatha Class and Friday I would like to try the evening candlelight class.
I am thankful for the quiet day I was able to spend at home, mostly by myself. I feel much better than when I woke up, but I still have a slight headache (and am still gassy – gross). Thankful that I was able to see Mom and Deb yesterday and share a meal with them. Thankful that I was able to see Heather on Friday for a few minutes, good to reconnect with Juut friends. Looking forward to seeing Katelyn tomorrow. Hoping I will get a chance to work on my list of members this week so as to improve our time card system... I know it's best not to reinvent the wheel but I definitely think my idea has potential to create better efficiency in the task of monitoring entries. I pray that I will have the patience to learn old systems this week and work with them a bit before I suggest any more new strategies. I am grateful I work in an environment where my colleagues value my input (although they might challenge my ideas, they trust me/let me try). Grateful to be going to bed early here. Proud to have rested so much today, eaten well for the most part and drank a lot of liquids; hopefully this bug will be purged as I sleep tonight. My prayers are with Marisa and Maggie; I am sorry to hear of their separate losses. May everyone rest well tonight – wishing everyone a good week ahead.
I originally woke up at 6:30 this morning, after taking some ibuprofen and drinking two tall glasses of water, I sat in the living room to meditate. It was a good practice; still dark outside and my housemates were asleep. I did not set an alarm this time but managed to sit still for 25 minutes before stirring. It was a calm time, my mind was not busy for once. I tried not to fixate on my headache or fever but simply my breath. It was a good experience. I know thoughts arose but I was able to put them aside, as I am not remembering them now. I did dedicate the last few minutes of my practice towards gratitude.
Despite being sick and not going to class, I tried to keep myself on track with meals. I did eat breakfast (a bowl of granola and yogurt) lunch and dinner (left over tortellini with green beans). For lunch I ate the last of the leftover quinoa chili with a slice of whole grain bread. It could just be that I am suddenly sensitive to beans or spice (or that the chili was too old, it was made last Sunday) but my digestive tract experienced quite a bit of gas, which was uncomfortable not to mention embarrassing. Oh well.
I am grateful that I could take the day to rest and recover so I can have good energy to go into the week. I spent a good amount of time this morning trying to decide whether it would be best to push through class with a fever or stay in bed (I'm SO glad I convinced myself to take a sick day – others would not have appreciated me sharing my sickness). I just didn't want to get behind in my studies. I won't. Jan was kind enough to email me back today with a list of the classes scheduled at Highland Park – when I looked online there was only a small portion listed... I think I will start the week slowly by attending the Yin class tomorrow night at 8:15, so as to wind down and sleep soundly Monday night. Tuesday I want to go to Slow Burn (the Hot Vinyasa Flow might be too vigorous for me yet while I recover, but we'll see) and Wednesday I might do one or two classes (there are several back-to-back in the evening). On Thursday I think I would like to attend the Hatha Class and Friday I would like to try the evening candlelight class.
I am thankful for the quiet day I was able to spend at home, mostly by myself. I feel much better than when I woke up, but I still have a slight headache (and am still gassy – gross). Thankful that I was able to see Mom and Deb yesterday and share a meal with them. Thankful that I was able to see Heather on Friday for a few minutes, good to reconnect with Juut friends. Looking forward to seeing Katelyn tomorrow. Hoping I will get a chance to work on my list of members this week so as to improve our time card system... I know it's best not to reinvent the wheel but I definitely think my idea has potential to create better efficiency in the task of monitoring entries. I pray that I will have the patience to learn old systems this week and work with them a bit before I suggest any more new strategies. I am grateful I work in an environment where my colleagues value my input (although they might challenge my ideas, they trust me/let me try). Grateful to be going to bed early here. Proud to have rested so much today, eaten well for the most part and drank a lot of liquids; hopefully this bug will be purged as I sleep tonight. My prayers are with Marisa and Maggie; I am sorry to hear of their separate losses. May everyone rest well tonight – wishing everyone a good week ahead.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Day 49 : Nov. 9, 2013
I am exhausted today. It has been a great first week at work but I have had to let things go as far as yoga daily disciplines (I know this is a no-no but I've had to). I practiced a few days but have found for my need to acclimate to work and my new schedule I was not able to keep up on every component. I was feeling guilty about this until yesterday when I had a conversation with my mother who said she expected as much, or rather was hoping I would take the time I needed to adjust and not burn myself out.
I have given a lot of my energy to this practice, especially when I was unemployed last month. It is not that I am abruptly stopping now but I have to create a new structure, new boundaries to make my practice work with my life. I have found that I am not at this particular moment wanting to focus on teaching/learning how to teach. At some point I might be ready to lead others but right now I just want to focus on my own understanding and get a thorough grip on my own philosophy and practice.
My body is resisting; my mind is resisting. I feel like I have hit a wall. Whenever I come to meditation or savasana I am reminded that I want to feel connected with the unity of all and find more meaning in my daily living. I am experiencing more gratitude and awareness; I am very present in my body. Right now I feel unwell, which signifies I need a time out. Earlier I would have said to myself "you need to push through this" but right now I think the opposite is needed. I need to prevent getting sick by resting and restoring myself. It is not that my work is taking it out of me, it is just how I deal with change – absorbing new information and taking on new projects = energy spent. I need to carve out time for me and that has meant doing less physical work/asanas this week, less time spent journaling and more time spent quietly sitting by myself or in the company of others.
I have given a lot of my energy to this practice, especially when I was unemployed last month. It is not that I am abruptly stopping now but I have to create a new structure, new boundaries to make my practice work with my life. I have found that I am not at this particular moment wanting to focus on teaching/learning how to teach. At some point I might be ready to lead others but right now I just want to focus on my own understanding and get a thorough grip on my own philosophy and practice.
My body is resisting; my mind is resisting. I feel like I have hit a wall. Whenever I come to meditation or savasana I am reminded that I want to feel connected with the unity of all and find more meaning in my daily living. I am experiencing more gratitude and awareness; I am very present in my body. Right now I feel unwell, which signifies I need a time out. Earlier I would have said to myself "you need to push through this" but right now I think the opposite is needed. I need to prevent getting sick by resting and restoring myself. It is not that my work is taking it out of me, it is just how I deal with change – absorbing new information and taking on new projects = energy spent. I need to carve out time for me and that has meant doing less physical work/asanas this week, less time spent journaling and more time spent quietly sitting by myself or in the company of others.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Day 45: Nov. 5, 2013
Remember, remember the fifth of November, gunpowder, treason and plot. Okay, had to do that; it was on my mind all day. Also: VOTE! Mid-term elections were today.
A little disappointed since Andrew and I were going to spend time together this evening but he was called into work. Anyway, I get to relax this evening which is very nice. I was so tired this morning, I was not ready to wake up for work at 5:00 a.m. despite my alarm. I sat up in bed and meditated for 20 minutes before starting my day. Did not do my yoga asanas until after work in the evening. It was cold outside and I did not feel like driving to Lifetime for a class (we were supposed to get a snow storm; it hasn't started yet but it's wet and cold out there).
My body was very resistant during my home practice tonight. It could just be that I am in the cold/not a warm studio but I felt like despite my effort my body did not get warm/loosen up. I was working hard to breathe deeply. I did appreciate all of my forward folds in Sun Salutation A/B and standing/seated postures. My lower back was evidently tight from Sunday's practice (I did feel tight yesterday but today was more noticeable; yesterday I was more fixated on my shoulders/upper arms being sore). Not sure who I will get to practice/practice teaching with this week.
Yoga Meal Record: This morning for breakfast I diced an apple and put half of it in a bowl of instant oatmeal. I added 1/4 cup leftover quinoa to my oatmeal to make it more hearty. Yesterday's breakfast did not hold me long enough/I was hungry within two hours (I wanted to be sure to make it to my lunch break). I remember sitting in our dimly lit living room. It was nice to hold on to the warm bowl, as it was another chilly morning. The apples and quinoa gave me something extra to chew and consider (texture, flavor; number of bites before swallowing greatly increased). I started eating breakfast around 5:40 a.m. and finished by 5:55 a.m. then it was time to get ready/dressed for the day.
Gratitude: Grateful for Roger's guidance today and for Tina's sense of humor/willingness to work with me/let me steer (use the computer; we only have one set up in the office for the two of us so far). It isn't easy for me to sit... as an "Achiever" I like to be constantly accomplishing tasks, otherwise I feel like I am wasting my time/abilities. Thankful for Andrew's text regarding his change of availability so I could make other plans for my evening. Came home to Bryce and Pippa's and there was glorious fire in the fireplace. So happy I get to sit now and relax after my shower. I might read a book before going to sleep but I should be mindful of the time – last night I found myself still wide awake at 10:30 when the power suddenly went out; I think that was the universe's little reminder that I should keep my schedule ;)
A little disappointed since Andrew and I were going to spend time together this evening but he was called into work. Anyway, I get to relax this evening which is very nice. I was so tired this morning, I was not ready to wake up for work at 5:00 a.m. despite my alarm. I sat up in bed and meditated for 20 minutes before starting my day. Did not do my yoga asanas until after work in the evening. It was cold outside and I did not feel like driving to Lifetime for a class (we were supposed to get a snow storm; it hasn't started yet but it's wet and cold out there).
My body was very resistant during my home practice tonight. It could just be that I am in the cold/not a warm studio but I felt like despite my effort my body did not get warm/loosen up. I was working hard to breathe deeply. I did appreciate all of my forward folds in Sun Salutation A/B and standing/seated postures. My lower back was evidently tight from Sunday's practice (I did feel tight yesterday but today was more noticeable; yesterday I was more fixated on my shoulders/upper arms being sore). Not sure who I will get to practice/practice teaching with this week.
Yoga Meal Record: This morning for breakfast I diced an apple and put half of it in a bowl of instant oatmeal. I added 1/4 cup leftover quinoa to my oatmeal to make it more hearty. Yesterday's breakfast did not hold me long enough/I was hungry within two hours (I wanted to be sure to make it to my lunch break). I remember sitting in our dimly lit living room. It was nice to hold on to the warm bowl, as it was another chilly morning. The apples and quinoa gave me something extra to chew and consider (texture, flavor; number of bites before swallowing greatly increased). I started eating breakfast around 5:40 a.m. and finished by 5:55 a.m. then it was time to get ready/dressed for the day.
Gratitude: Grateful for Roger's guidance today and for Tina's sense of humor/willingness to work with me/let me steer (use the computer; we only have one set up in the office for the two of us so far). It isn't easy for me to sit... as an "Achiever" I like to be constantly accomplishing tasks, otherwise I feel like I am wasting my time/abilities. Thankful for Andrew's text regarding his change of availability so I could make other plans for my evening. Came home to Bryce and Pippa's and there was glorious fire in the fireplace. So happy I get to sit now and relax after my shower. I might read a book before going to sleep but I should be mindful of the time – last night I found myself still wide awake at 10:30 when the power suddenly went out; I think that was the universe's little reminder that I should keep my schedule ;)
Monday, November 4, 2013
Day 44: Nov. 4, 2013
First day at work. Woke up several times last night, I think I was just too excited and couldn't sleep. Finally got out of bed at 5:00 a.m. Sat silently until 5:30 a.m. in meditation. Went downstairs and ate some instant oatmeal with brown sugar. 5:45 a.m. I went back upstairs and put on dress pants and a sweater. By 6:00 a.m. I was in the bathroom fixing my hair and makeup. 6:15 a.m. I was ready to leave the house. I drove Pippa to Kopplin's to meet Bryce; I did order an apple cider as a treat to start my day. I drove down to Cretin then to 94 E. Traffic was light (due to the early nature of the day) and I arrived outside my work at 6:45 a.m, fifteen minutes early. I went inside and saw Sam and Al right away. I was shown where I could hang up my coat, then Al gave me a tour around the space. It is actually quite a large space; there is a training facility attached, that is for the four-year apprenticeship program (the "school" year is Saturdays Sept–Feb).
I learned about timecards today (union members have to send them in each week in order to track/get credit for their pensions). Tina and I spent several hours working on the newsletter, folding and compiling stacks of letters, then preparing them to be mailed. Evidently this happens at the beginning of every month. A newsletter goes out with important notices, assessment letters are sent out requesting mortuary payments if the member is a participant in the fund... If time cards are missing/overdue, reminders are sent. If members fail to submit their information after a length of time, they are assessed fines. Everyone in the office is pleasant and hard working, even a bit playful. I did encounter one member who was a little rough on the phone, but I was forewarned that their members do not have the best etiquette.
At 3:30 p.m. it was time to go home. Tina and I have the option of working four 10 hour days or five 8 hour days. This week it will be five 8s. We will see how this works out and make adjustments as we deem necessary. I learned that they ARE looking to hire us on after the probationary period; they are using the temp. agency to conduct the background checks, etc. because their last office person evidently made some very poor choices that were caught "just in time." Not exactly sure to what this alludes, but they said "if the department of labor comes in to check on things, we would be fine because we were hired after-the-fact."
Daily Practice: Did 5 Sun As and 5 Sun Bs, very sore today after yesterday's practice, especially in my neck, upper arms, shoulders and abs.
Daily Yoga Meal: Made Quinoa Chili with Pippa. It was VERY spicy (but like she said, eat spicy food, keep sickness at bay)! We did watch an episode of Big Bang Theory, which was fun since I hadn't seen that show in a while. I know we are not supposed to engage in distractions during yoga meals but on the plus side at work I ate alone and focused just on my meal during my lunch break (no distractions; one bite at a time). I'm just trying to expand my yoga meal practice into more than one meal a day. It is nice to eat with others and it is fun to take the time to watch occasional entertainment, we don't do it every day, or even every week for that matter. During dinner I had a decent portion, at most 2/3 cup of chili (it had diced tomatoes from our garden), garlic, green chilies, yellow onion, coriander, cumin, paprika, cayenne pepper, salt, ground pepper, quinoa, black beans, kidney beans, a hint of lime juice, canned corn. If anything, I would have enjoyed some milk, cheese or sour cream with this dish (as I stated earlier it was just a bit too spicy for me).
Gratitude: Very pleased to have gone to work today. I enjoyed every aspect of it; waking up early in this quiet world when the traffic is hushed, neighbors aren't yet moving around... Cradling a bowl of hot oatmeal in the chill of morning. I feel like I was able to create a little sacred space for myself today. I enjoyed my commute and arriving early at the office. It was nice to not be rushed and to watch the sun rise. I am grateful for the cup of coffee I had at work, Al was nice enough to offer it to me, so I enjoyed it mid-day and it was very flavorful. I enjoyed sorting letters and greeting members. I am thankful for the group being so welcoming and understanding that I am new (I must remind myself/remember I can only accomplish so much in a day and I should be proud of my accomplishments–their measurability will surely be different than at Juut). I am thankful for the time I have had this evening. Already it is 9:15 p.m. and I need to be thinking about sleep/preparing for tomorrow.
I learned about timecards today (union members have to send them in each week in order to track/get credit for their pensions). Tina and I spent several hours working on the newsletter, folding and compiling stacks of letters, then preparing them to be mailed. Evidently this happens at the beginning of every month. A newsletter goes out with important notices, assessment letters are sent out requesting mortuary payments if the member is a participant in the fund... If time cards are missing/overdue, reminders are sent. If members fail to submit their information after a length of time, they are assessed fines. Everyone in the office is pleasant and hard working, even a bit playful. I did encounter one member who was a little rough on the phone, but I was forewarned that their members do not have the best etiquette.
At 3:30 p.m. it was time to go home. Tina and I have the option of working four 10 hour days or five 8 hour days. This week it will be five 8s. We will see how this works out and make adjustments as we deem necessary. I learned that they ARE looking to hire us on after the probationary period; they are using the temp. agency to conduct the background checks, etc. because their last office person evidently made some very poor choices that were caught "just in time." Not exactly sure to what this alludes, but they said "if the department of labor comes in to check on things, we would be fine because we were hired after-the-fact."
Daily Practice: Did 5 Sun As and 5 Sun Bs, very sore today after yesterday's practice, especially in my neck, upper arms, shoulders and abs.
Daily Yoga Meal: Made Quinoa Chili with Pippa. It was VERY spicy (but like she said, eat spicy food, keep sickness at bay)! We did watch an episode of Big Bang Theory, which was fun since I hadn't seen that show in a while. I know we are not supposed to engage in distractions during yoga meals but on the plus side at work I ate alone and focused just on my meal during my lunch break (no distractions; one bite at a time). I'm just trying to expand my yoga meal practice into more than one meal a day. It is nice to eat with others and it is fun to take the time to watch occasional entertainment, we don't do it every day, or even every week for that matter. During dinner I had a decent portion, at most 2/3 cup of chili (it had diced tomatoes from our garden), garlic, green chilies, yellow onion, coriander, cumin, paprika, cayenne pepper, salt, ground pepper, quinoa, black beans, kidney beans, a hint of lime juice, canned corn. If anything, I would have enjoyed some milk, cheese or sour cream with this dish (as I stated earlier it was just a bit too spicy for me).
Gratitude: Very pleased to have gone to work today. I enjoyed every aspect of it; waking up early in this quiet world when the traffic is hushed, neighbors aren't yet moving around... Cradling a bowl of hot oatmeal in the chill of morning. I feel like I was able to create a little sacred space for myself today. I enjoyed my commute and arriving early at the office. It was nice to not be rushed and to watch the sun rise. I am grateful for the cup of coffee I had at work, Al was nice enough to offer it to me, so I enjoyed it mid-day and it was very flavorful. I enjoyed sorting letters and greeting members. I am thankful for the group being so welcoming and understanding that I am new (I must remind myself/remember I can only accomplish so much in a day and I should be proud of my accomplishments–their measurability will surely be different than at Juut). I am thankful for the time I have had this evening. Already it is 9:15 p.m. and I need to be thinking about sleep/preparing for tomorrow.
Day 43: Nov. 3, 2013
Had a busy day with YTT; started at 9 a.m. instead of 11:00. Had a vinyasa flow class, led by Jason (assisted by Jan). It was a 90 minute class and I definitely broke a sweat. At one point (about 75 minutes into the class) I felt dizzy and nauseous; I think I was just dehydrated, so I took a drink of water and then went into child's pose for a break and continued to focus on my breathing.
We did not take time as a group to meditate but after lunch we had another class together, a 60 minute Yin yoga class. Not much time today was focused on teaching but we observed/practiced: providing guidance (step by step instructions), giving reminders (breath/movement pattern discussed but not specific instructions) and allowing students to flow on their own (listing benefits of sequence).
My neck and upper back is stiff, I think from dolphin pose; it might also have been from sphinx/seal pose. Will be sleeping well tonight though as my body is exhausted. Will journal more tomorrow after my first shift at the new job.
Yoga Meal: Ate a cup of soup from Byerly's (it was almost like a pot roast with roast beef, potatoes, carrots, onions) and some fruit/vegetables from the salad bar (beets, raspberries, blueberries, pomegranate and two pieces of fresh mozzarella). I was still hungry but did not want to go back and do Yin yoga on a full stomach, so stopped there. I ate dinner at home about 5 hours later (had leftover curry for dinner, so was satiated then).
Gratitude: Very thankful for all the time Jason and Jan gave to us today. I loved our discussion as a group on the seven axioms of Life Power Yoga:
We did not take time as a group to meditate but after lunch we had another class together, a 60 minute Yin yoga class. Not much time today was focused on teaching but we observed/practiced: providing guidance (step by step instructions), giving reminders (breath/movement pattern discussed but not specific instructions) and allowing students to flow on their own (listing benefits of sequence).
My neck and upper back is stiff, I think from dolphin pose; it might also have been from sphinx/seal pose. Will be sleeping well tonight though as my body is exhausted. Will journal more tomorrow after my first shift at the new job.
Yoga Meal: Ate a cup of soup from Byerly's (it was almost like a pot roast with roast beef, potatoes, carrots, onions) and some fruit/vegetables from the salad bar (beets, raspberries, blueberries, pomegranate and two pieces of fresh mozzarella). I was still hungry but did not want to go back and do Yin yoga on a full stomach, so stopped there. I ate dinner at home about 5 hours later (had leftover curry for dinner, so was satiated then).
Gratitude: Very thankful for all the time Jason and Jan gave to us today. I loved our discussion as a group on the seven axioms of Life Power Yoga:
- You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Law of Karma.
- Everything/everyone is connected.
- Exercise and rest are essential for health/vibrant living.
- Laugher and play are nature's fountain of youth.
- Fear and pain are some of life's greatest teachers.
- Touch and intimacy are deep human needs.
- All things are impermanent/all things change.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Day 42: Nov. 2, 2013
Had lunch today with my Mom, we ate at India Palace (the last time we ate there together was the Saturday before I was let go of Juut; Sept. 28). It is one of our favorite places to dine. She had a lamb dish and I had a chicken korma. We went out so I could find a new pair of shoes to go with my work pants; I haven't purchased new work shoes in a few years so although it felt like a big gulp, it will be good to have them and they should last a while.
Got to hang out with Pippa tonight, watched a bit of a 1960s film A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. I was going to go over to Laura's for a game night, but I don't think that will work out after all with my need for sleep/relaxation before yoga tomorrow.
Today I did not complete my daily minimum (did not practice of sun salutations or meditation - yet, I still might meditate before sleeping). My body told me I needed to take a break today from the physical activity and I took it.
Daily Meal: Lunch with Mom around 3:30 p.m. Delightfully well-rounded and tasted delicious. We did not have any distractions, nor did either of us talk while we were eating. We remained seated and I can say for my part that I did not have more than two handfuls of food (the rest is in my fridge right now, waiting to be eaten tomorrow).
Daily Gratitude: I woke up well rested, the first time in weeks (I did not have any anxiety in my third chakra either)! I woke up initially at 6 a.m. I should have gotten up then but I talked myself into going back to sleep, then I stayed in bed until 9 a.m. Despite my sloth, I was happy to have a slow morning at home, sipping herbal tea while finishing Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. I feel like today will be a productive day. Although I don't have the inclination to participate in the day-long master class (I had considered it earlier) I will be happy to be out in the sunlight today, taking it all in and not worrying about my weekend/month long unemployment/vacation coming to an end. I have been very blessed this month in connecting with others and being able to share my story. I hope that I have enriched the lives of others as much as they have touched mine. I am trying to share my gratitude as much as possible by increasing the amount of effort I put into meaningful connection, saying thank you and sending notes of thanks in the mail.
Got to hang out with Pippa tonight, watched a bit of a 1960s film A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. I was going to go over to Laura's for a game night, but I don't think that will work out after all with my need for sleep/relaxation before yoga tomorrow.
Today I did not complete my daily minimum (did not practice of sun salutations or meditation - yet, I still might meditate before sleeping). My body told me I needed to take a break today from the physical activity and I took it.
Daily Meal: Lunch with Mom around 3:30 p.m. Delightfully well-rounded and tasted delicious. We did not have any distractions, nor did either of us talk while we were eating. We remained seated and I can say for my part that I did not have more than two handfuls of food (the rest is in my fridge right now, waiting to be eaten tomorrow).
Daily Gratitude: I woke up well rested, the first time in weeks (I did not have any anxiety in my third chakra either)! I woke up initially at 6 a.m. I should have gotten up then but I talked myself into going back to sleep, then I stayed in bed until 9 a.m. Despite my sloth, I was happy to have a slow morning at home, sipping herbal tea while finishing Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. I feel like today will be a productive day. Although I don't have the inclination to participate in the day-long master class (I had considered it earlier) I will be happy to be out in the sunlight today, taking it all in and not worrying about my weekend/month long unemployment/vacation coming to an end. I have been very blessed this month in connecting with others and being able to share my story. I hope that I have enriched the lives of others as much as they have touched mine. I am trying to share my gratitude as much as possible by increasing the amount of effort I put into meaningful connection, saying thank you and sending notes of thanks in the mail.
Day 41: Nov. 1, 2013
Well that was a weird meditation; I thought I would do it right away in the morning today and I ended up drifting off. I was not sleeping but I caught myself with random thoughts that were different from other days when all my brain wants to think of is "what to do next." I reeled myself in three or four times. Not bad by any means but not focused on my breath as I should have been. I did feel a lightness in my head though which was really nice in comparison to all of my other meditations which have been just so dense, full of demands.
I will be meeting Wynnie later on today for lunch and then Kara this evening to practice teaching. This morning I will spend some time reading and then maybe work on some flash cards. I decided to go out and buy some index cards and pens so that I can put these sequences down on cards and them put them in order. It will be similar to our manual but personalizing it with my verbiage I think will be helpful :)
Daily Practice: Met with Kara about 7 p.m. until 8:15 p.m. We took turns teaching the standing and balancing postures; did not practice the seated today. We found it helpful to compare notes/questions about inhales/exhales, twisting/pivoting feet and arms up to T.
Daily Meal: Had lunch with Wynnie. Enjoyed a walleye sandwich with sweet potato fries. It was good to catch up with her (she was one of my favorite guests at Juut and misses my presence there). We have a special connection; she feels that we have a past-life connection and that we are meant to help one another in this life. I don't disagree with her assertion, but I don't have any experience with past life regression. We enjoy talking about energy work and chakras. She is a great teacher and channels poetry. She is struggling with a potential move back to Oregon (not sure when to cut ties with friends/ how she will maintain relationships in MN).
Daily Meditation: In the morning, right away, mentioned above.^
Daily Gratitude: So thankful that I found a few pairs of work pants at The Limited; I had help from an associate named Patricia. She helped me find the right sizes and offered to pin my pants so I could have them hemmed. I brought these pants to a tailor in the mall, Barb, who did an excellent job. She was very efficient and made me try on each pair to ensure that they fit well. It's amazing how these new pants help me feel like I'm "ready to go" to work on Monday.
I will be meeting Wynnie later on today for lunch and then Kara this evening to practice teaching. This morning I will spend some time reading and then maybe work on some flash cards. I decided to go out and buy some index cards and pens so that I can put these sequences down on cards and them put them in order. It will be similar to our manual but personalizing it with my verbiage I think will be helpful :)
Daily Practice: Met with Kara about 7 p.m. until 8:15 p.m. We took turns teaching the standing and balancing postures; did not practice the seated today. We found it helpful to compare notes/questions about inhales/exhales, twisting/pivoting feet and arms up to T.
Daily Meal: Had lunch with Wynnie. Enjoyed a walleye sandwich with sweet potato fries. It was good to catch up with her (she was one of my favorite guests at Juut and misses my presence there). We have a special connection; she feels that we have a past-life connection and that we are meant to help one another in this life. I don't disagree with her assertion, but I don't have any experience with past life regression. We enjoy talking about energy work and chakras. She is a great teacher and channels poetry. She is struggling with a potential move back to Oregon (not sure when to cut ties with friends/ how she will maintain relationships in MN).
Daily Meditation: In the morning, right away, mentioned above.^
Daily Gratitude: So thankful that I found a few pairs of work pants at The Limited; I had help from an associate named Patricia. She helped me find the right sizes and offered to pin my pants so I could have them hemmed. I brought these pants to a tailor in the mall, Barb, who did an excellent job. She was very efficient and made me try on each pair to ensure that they fit well. It's amazing how these new pants help me feel like I'm "ready to go" to work on Monday.
Day 40: Oct. 31, 2013
Daily Practice: In the living room this morning from 9:30 a.m. to 10:15 a.m. Did 5 Sun As, 5 Sun Bs, then went through all the standing, balancing and seated postures through Marichyasana. I did a couple of other stretches at the end and gave myself a short 2 minute savasana.
Daily Mediation: I sat for about 10 minutes this morning. Was interrupted in my meditation by a phone call and did not get back to it afterwards (I know I should have but I wanted to get on with my day). I usually use my cell phone's timer as my alert to come out of meditation but I forgot to put it on Airplane mode. Note to self to disable calls/texts so the only noise that emanates is the timer...
Daily Yoga Meal Record: I had a bowl of acorn squash soup and a serving of risotto with sweet potatoes, apples and kale from Good Earth. It was Andrew's day off of work and he texted me saying he would like to go out. It was around 3:30, so a late lunch. We had good conversation. Talked about cognizance/our first awareness of ourselves as children; not really sure what brought that up. We enjoyed a green tea together (Clouds and Mist blend) – he had a burger for lunch that had avocado, sprouts, tomato, an aioli sauce, lettuce and he nixed the gruyere cheese (dairy allergy). We took our time, did not over eat – I took home a large amount of risotto, it was a plentiful serving. There were no distractions and we did not talk while eating. I think it can be easier sometimes to enjoy a good meal with another person because when you're not rushed, you can take time to enjoy the beauty of the food and the conversation and not sacrifice/compromise one for the other.
Daily Gratitude: I am SO SO SO grateful today that I was issued an unemployment benefit check, I can be sure to pay my rent on time! I have been waiting about a month for approval and I am so grateful because this check will help me get by until I receive my first paycheck from my new job.
Daily Mediation: I sat for about 10 minutes this morning. Was interrupted in my meditation by a phone call and did not get back to it afterwards (I know I should have but I wanted to get on with my day). I usually use my cell phone's timer as my alert to come out of meditation but I forgot to put it on Airplane mode. Note to self to disable calls/texts so the only noise that emanates is the timer...
Daily Yoga Meal Record: I had a bowl of acorn squash soup and a serving of risotto with sweet potatoes, apples and kale from Good Earth. It was Andrew's day off of work and he texted me saying he would like to go out. It was around 3:30, so a late lunch. We had good conversation. Talked about cognizance/our first awareness of ourselves as children; not really sure what brought that up. We enjoyed a green tea together (Clouds and Mist blend) – he had a burger for lunch that had avocado, sprouts, tomato, an aioli sauce, lettuce and he nixed the gruyere cheese (dairy allergy). We took our time, did not over eat – I took home a large amount of risotto, it was a plentiful serving. There were no distractions and we did not talk while eating. I think it can be easier sometimes to enjoy a good meal with another person because when you're not rushed, you can take time to enjoy the beauty of the food and the conversation and not sacrifice/compromise one for the other.
Daily Gratitude: I am SO SO SO grateful today that I was issued an unemployment benefit check, I can be sure to pay my rent on time! I have been waiting about a month for approval and I am so grateful because this check will help me get by until I receive my first paycheck from my new job.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Day 39: Oct. 30, 2013
Went to Ted's 9:30 Hatha Class; first time in his class. He has a very light spirit, a lot of laughter about bodies not being perfect/trying things out to just see how your body feels in the pose. The students in the class all seemed to love his carefree approach. I did laugh a few times too, which was nice. Diane was in class today (she is someone I met the first week I started my training; I get the feeling that she is in every morning, I just happen to be going to a lot of evening classes so our paths haven't crossed).
After class, Aviel and I stayed in the studio so that I could practice teaching. Before we went through the postures we decided to meditate together (much more motivational than meditating alone at home). So we sat in the studio, lights dimmed for 20 minutes. There were a few times where I thought I heard another person breathing in the studio but I think it was just the heating/cooling system. My mind was very stubborn and wanted to have me prioritize a list of tasks. I had to keep putting that desire aside. Aviel had a very gentle timer that went off and did not cause me to have a heart attack, which was nice! He and I talked a little about our experience meditating, I told him about my restless mind and he said his was busy too.
We then took about an hour going through the standing, balancing and seated postures. We skipped Sun A and Sun B because we had done them together that day in Ted's class (and we both feel fairly confident with these sequences). From Padagustasana to Marichyasana. I had trouble hearing his breathing but I took the time to watching his chest/ribs expand and contract and counted to five several times. It was tricky trying to determine if these breaths were his natural pace or if he was breathing slowly to accommodate for my slow direction. I asked him afterwards and the thought that it was a good pace, a little slow but that he prefers working in a slower pace. He said I had a nice cadence and that I was permissive. Aviel has a limited range of motion in some poses and I wanted to be sure I was providing accommodation for his needs, especially in standing/balancing poses. It was helpful for me to observe him and learn from him what he is not capable of doing. He was not frustrated with my questions. I don't know how to be not overly concerned with how my directions impact a practitioner with limited motion abilities. Do I trust that they (newer students) will make modifications/adjustments as necessary without my verbal guidance if I am not aware of their limitation? Do I make an announcement before the class begins to clarify my needs as an instructor ("please communicate with me if you have any concerns or questions?") or do I trust that they will ask for help if they cannot come up with a modification on their own (I will of course list those that I know in an efficient manner, but if I don't know that they can't turn their neck or reach opposite elbows...)?
Daily Yoga Meal: Ate dinner with Amy. We made Annie's mac and cheese and had peas with it. Very starchy but it was a playful meal that harkened back to our childhood. We were kind of rushed in our eating as Amy needed to leave to get to her meditation practice. We did enjoy each other's company and pleasant conversation in between bites. We remained seated and did not have any external distractions (which was an oddity because usually at her apartment music is playing all the time). I would say my serving size was appropriate and that I did not over indulge.
Daily Gratitude: Happy I was able to meet up with Amy tonight; learned that her mom Ann is on her way to New Zealand, how fantastic to be retired and have friends abroad! It was a great evening of learning for me. Amy was willing to be my student today and I led her through 3 Sun As, 3 Sun Bs and then all the standing, balancing and seated postures through Marichyasana. She is working with chronic neck pain so I was sure to check in with her throughout practice (I know this would not be done in a larger class setting but since I met with Aviel earlier today, I learned to be a little more sensitive to restrictions students have; Amy couldn't lift her gaze in any revolved/twisted posture). She said I had a very calming presence and that the pacing was good for her, so that was reassuring. It was very evident working with her where my word choices/descriptions come into play (i.e. Prasarita Padottanasana C, when I told her to come to a T shape with her hand and then clasp her hands together, I forgot to mention "behind her back, below her hips" because she clasped her hands together above her head! This was a good learning experience for me, I laughed a little and asked to start that posture over again). All in all, a very rewarding experience. We shared dinner together afterwards and then she had to head out to a meditation session at Common Grounds Meditation Center. She invited me to come along but I felt pretty zonked at that point and kind of wanted to head home to sleep. It sounds like a great place to explore though and I do enjoy group meditation, so I might join her in the near future.
After class, Aviel and I stayed in the studio so that I could practice teaching. Before we went through the postures we decided to meditate together (much more motivational than meditating alone at home). So we sat in the studio, lights dimmed for 20 minutes. There were a few times where I thought I heard another person breathing in the studio but I think it was just the heating/cooling system. My mind was very stubborn and wanted to have me prioritize a list of tasks. I had to keep putting that desire aside. Aviel had a very gentle timer that went off and did not cause me to have a heart attack, which was nice! He and I talked a little about our experience meditating, I told him about my restless mind and he said his was busy too.
We then took about an hour going through the standing, balancing and seated postures. We skipped Sun A and Sun B because we had done them together that day in Ted's class (and we both feel fairly confident with these sequences). From Padagustasana to Marichyasana. I had trouble hearing his breathing but I took the time to watching his chest/ribs expand and contract and counted to five several times. It was tricky trying to determine if these breaths were his natural pace or if he was breathing slowly to accommodate for my slow direction. I asked him afterwards and the thought that it was a good pace, a little slow but that he prefers working in a slower pace. He said I had a nice cadence and that I was permissive. Aviel has a limited range of motion in some poses and I wanted to be sure I was providing accommodation for his needs, especially in standing/balancing poses. It was helpful for me to observe him and learn from him what he is not capable of doing. He was not frustrated with my questions. I don't know how to be not overly concerned with how my directions impact a practitioner with limited motion abilities. Do I trust that they (newer students) will make modifications/adjustments as necessary without my verbal guidance if I am not aware of their limitation? Do I make an announcement before the class begins to clarify my needs as an instructor ("please communicate with me if you have any concerns or questions?") or do I trust that they will ask for help if they cannot come up with a modification on their own (I will of course list those that I know in an efficient manner, but if I don't know that they can't turn their neck or reach opposite elbows...)?
Daily Yoga Meal: Ate dinner with Amy. We made Annie's mac and cheese and had peas with it. Very starchy but it was a playful meal that harkened back to our childhood. We were kind of rushed in our eating as Amy needed to leave to get to her meditation practice. We did enjoy each other's company and pleasant conversation in between bites. We remained seated and did not have any external distractions (which was an oddity because usually at her apartment music is playing all the time). I would say my serving size was appropriate and that I did not over indulge.
Daily Gratitude: Happy I was able to meet up with Amy tonight; learned that her mom Ann is on her way to New Zealand, how fantastic to be retired and have friends abroad! It was a great evening of learning for me. Amy was willing to be my student today and I led her through 3 Sun As, 3 Sun Bs and then all the standing, balancing and seated postures through Marichyasana. She is working with chronic neck pain so I was sure to check in with her throughout practice (I know this would not be done in a larger class setting but since I met with Aviel earlier today, I learned to be a little more sensitive to restrictions students have; Amy couldn't lift her gaze in any revolved/twisted posture). She said I had a very calming presence and that the pacing was good for her, so that was reassuring. It was very evident working with her where my word choices/descriptions come into play (i.e. Prasarita Padottanasana C, when I told her to come to a T shape with her hand and then clasp her hands together, I forgot to mention "behind her back, below her hips" because she clasped her hands together above her head! This was a good learning experience for me, I laughed a little and asked to start that posture over again). All in all, a very rewarding experience. We shared dinner together afterwards and then she had to head out to a meditation session at Common Grounds Meditation Center. She invited me to come along but I felt pretty zonked at that point and kind of wanted to head home to sleep. It sounds like a great place to explore though and I do enjoy group meditation, so I might join her in the near future.
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