I am exhausted today. It has been a great first week at work but I have had to let things go as far as yoga daily disciplines (I know this is a no-no but I've had to). I practiced a few days but have found for my need to acclimate to work and my new schedule I was not able to keep up on every component. I was feeling guilty about this until yesterday when I had a conversation with my mother who said she expected as much, or rather was hoping I would take the time I needed to adjust and not burn myself out.
I have given a lot of my energy to this practice, especially when I was unemployed last month. It is not that I am abruptly stopping now but I have to create a new structure, new boundaries to make my practice work with my life. I have found that I am not at this particular moment wanting to focus on teaching/learning how to teach. At some point I might be ready to lead others but right now I just want to focus on my own understanding and get a thorough grip on my own philosophy and practice.
My body is resisting; my mind is resisting. I feel like I have hit a wall. Whenever I come to meditation or savasana I am reminded that I want to feel connected with the unity of all and find more meaning in my daily living. I am experiencing more gratitude and awareness; I am very present in my body. Right now I feel unwell, which signifies I need a time out. Earlier I would have said to myself "you need to push through this" but right now I think the opposite is needed. I need to prevent getting sick by resting and restoring myself. It is not that my work is taking it out of me, it is just how I deal with change – absorbing new information and taking on new projects = energy spent. I need to carve out time for me and that has meant doing less physical work/asanas this week, less time spent journaling and more time spent quietly sitting by myself or in the company of others.
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