February 1, 2014: Another Day, A New Beginning

I am at the Tea Garden on Grand Ave. right now, enjoying a tea latte.  I woke up at 7 a.m. this morning -- went to bed last night around 1 a.m.  after creating a sequence and a playlist for the class I was to teach today.

At 10:00 a.m. I headed out the door to pick up a treat for my participants (went to Whole Foods and picked up two slices of Vegan cake).  Made it to their house at 11:00 a.m. and proceeded to guide them through my class.  It was a really positive experience, considering how terrified I was last night.  My class went about forty-five minutes in length, so it was a little shorter than I wanted it to be.

My participants were hesitant to flow on their own throughout the practice.  They would look up at me for more, indicating they wanted more instruction after I said it was time for them to flow on their own (I got some worried looks/blank stares), so I proceeded to instruct (inhale, lift, exhale fold...).

We patiently worked together to accomplish the Sun C, but since they were not comfortable flowing on their own I cut the practice short (they did the Sun A about 10 times, Sun B about 5 times and Sun C we did twice on each side.)

I had them hold about a three-minute twisted chair pose for their log.  The second side was definitely shorter than the first by about a minute.  I was getting a lot of grunts and heavy struggled breathing/shaking legs so I explained that being frustrated with me/the duration/discomfort of the pose was not the end of the world/that meant they were doing a great job.  I pulled them out after they demonstrated fatigue/falling out several times.  From the log I had them sit on their mat and do some relaxing marichyanasa postures.  Then went on their backs for final postures such as spinal twist and savasana (no head stands or back bends today).

Overall I think it went really well.  They said they really liked it.  I know I need to work on my directions (rights and lefts) and being less wordy overall, but in general I think my descriptions were necessary without presupposing that everyone understands posture names.

The playlist I used today:

Kiss of Life,  Sade
Spinning,  Zero 7
Even After All,  Jack Johnson
Le Monde,  Thievery Corporation
200 Gigapixels,  Boreal Network
Loud Pipes,  Ratatat
All I Wanna Do,  Sheryl Crow
You're the Only Thing in Your Way,  Cloud Cult
Dawn,  Cloud Cult
Keep it Loose,  Keep it Tight,   Amos Lee
Always Love,  Nada Surf

The good news:  my students gave me great feedback.  They loved my voice, presence, confidence and hands-on adjustments.  To work on:  more descriptions, one even wanted names of postures at the end of each description/said that would be more helpful for her.

It was helpful speaking with them afterward.  It helped me feel like I challenged them but reached out to them in a helpful manner.  On a side note when I was eating lunch this afternoon it came up in discussion -- Andrew described the script he uses when waiting tables and I think that is what I need to do.  I need to design a few scripts, memorize them and create a sense of control/comfort with what I am doing.  I am sure this has been suggested all along with my course through Lifetime but I needed to have this break through on my own for it to make "ah-ha!" sense.  It doesn't have to be so scary.  I don't have to meet my work with so much resistance.  I am doing this because I love yoga and I want others to love it/what it can do for them too.

My own back is quite sore today and does not like me sitting still.  I have yet to do my own practice today so that is probably why.  I will go home shortly and go through the same sequence for myself so I can really embody what I was encouraging earlier.  Thanks for reading :)

January 31, 2014: Desperately trying to do my work

Been fiercely trying to do my work/daily disciplines + homework; between 10 hour days and yoga homework I have yet to do my day of silence or teach a class... somehow I want to make both happen tomorrow.  I will be teaching yoga tomorrow morning in Christine and Andrew's living room to whomever can make it (so far they are the only two confirmed; Laura might join in; Amy's out of town, as will be Bryce and Pippa).  I know we were encouraged to make it a community event but in all truth I don't have such a venue.  I don't belong to a church and I did not want to make my class available in the studio at Lifetime.  I'm not ready for that yet (by that I mean, I don't want people to come in expecting it be high caliber when I'm really just working on getting it all down)!

Going to teach them Vinyasa flow by:  Setting Sacred Space, Igniting the Spirit (breath), Igniting the Flame (Sun As, Bs, Cs), Stoking the Fire (logs),  Utilizing the Fire (yin poses) and Conscious Surrender (Inversions, final postures, savasana).  I just went through the entire sequence verbally on my own, it sounds fine.  Now I'm wondering if I should have a playlist?  I feel like I should to make it more fun or movement as a celebration of life.

I have remarked to several people this week how I have been avoiding my journaling.  Darn it!  I guess I just feel vulnerable, like I am looking into a mirror when I am writing.  In class today it came to my attention that I need to do this no matter "how bad" I think I look.  That is my ego getting in the way; it doesn't matter.  I need to get the most out of this practice and that can't be done without doing the homework.

January 20, 2013: ENERGIZED!

Such a great day today :D  Other than feeling sore when I woke up, I was completely energized and all smiles.  Things have really changed for me.  Others have noticed too.  I used to always talk about how *tired* or uninspired I was and I think I have turned a corner.  That shadow/feeling of doubt seems to have vanished.  I feel less afraid of change and more driven to accomplish things each day.  It was helpful to hear Jason say the paradigm "time management" has shifted to "energy management."  It just makes so much more sense.

I woke up, got ready for work.  Stopped at Starbucks (the first time in over three months) and used a gift card I received for Christmas.  I asked my boss if he would like anything but he declined.  I showed up to work about 10 minutes early, barely any traffic.  Got in the groove.  Have a lot of work to do still this coming week (and perhaps always will!) but I was busy from 7 a.m. until 5:10 p.m. when it was time to go!  I did take a lunch break, albeit it was not a yogi meal by any standard.  I had a lot of conversation with my boss who brought me chili from Wendy's.  We sat in the conference room together and watched the mid-day news.  MLK day.  More mention of the Polar Vortex/cold front heading our way... anyway, it was a short lunch and kind of rushed (did not take my full hour break) and went back to work.  No one was forcing me to forfeit my break or work non-stop but like I said, I was grooving.

After work I went home, enjoyed the fire that Bryce and Pippa had started.  Ate some left over pizza, again not a yogi meal by any standard.  I ate while talking on the phone to my Mom.  After a short break and some time chatting with BP, I headed out to Lifetime.  I took Jennifer's 60 minute Slow Burn class at 7:00.  It was just my speed today.  I needed time to stretch and sweat.  I think a vinyasa flow class would have been too strenuous with the effort I exuded Saturday and Sunday, but it was good to move my body just the same.  Jennifer has such a calming voice and pleasing cadence.  I always feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  After working hard she has a way of breathing/sighing... kind of coooo'ing to us.  It feels like a breeze, permission to relax.  Ooze into a pose/counterpose.  There was a time during my practice when I noticed my thoracic spine just became more malleable (it was when I switched from warrior one to reverse warrior).  I heard my spine kind of pop and squish -- a new level of compression I guess!  It was awesome feeling like my spine could bend in all directions.  We started with side-to-side stretches, then abduction in upward facing dog and adduction in downward facing dog.  Felt further spine goodness in our crescent prayer twists.  I also loved when she took the time to step on my feet during practice (I remember once Ryan did this to me too, I would LOVE to learn how to do this for others, it feels SO amazing).  She gave us a few logs (held boat twice and some sort of upward bow).  She really pushed the group to their edge, you got the feeling/sense of urgency from her voice as if the class was really struggling but that they needed to make it through this phase to get somewhere in life.  I had my eyes closed but I sensed her talking in all directions (audible to each individual, not focused on anyone in particular).  After we closed the class, she mentioned a little bit about respect and giving the class an honest try.  There were several times during the class that I could hear the door open and close and I assume she was addressing those who had decided to leave (although the remainder of us had stayed).  I think it was good she spoke her mind and brought it up because that behavior changes the energy of the whole group, not to mention makes the teacher feel like they aren't doing a good enough job.

I spoke with Jennifer after class and introduced myself.  I think I have done this on numerous occasions but I wanted to be sure she knew how much I appreciated her class and the way she reached out to me (and others) during the class.  Contact is so important.  She asked if I had any other feedback and I just tried to affirm her teaching, as I could not come up with anything to critique her on to change at the time.

Jan and Eric arrived, urged me to stay but I had to get home.  I did stop at Lunds first and did a little shopping, but now I am home and preparing for bed.  Going to meditate first as I haven't gotten a chance to do so yet today but that is next before sleep!  Going to dim the lights in my room and sit in silence (BP are in the next room watching television or playing a game, I can't really be sure).

I am thankful for the energy and enthusiasm I have felt this day.  I am grateful for my ability to share my energy with others.  I hope to carry this energy forward into my day-to-day life.  Why not live ecstatically?  I know that to experience life one must have highs and lows; we must experience the yin and the yang... but hopefully with yoga intertwined the intensity doesn't have to be so extreme.  May it all become manageable.  Namaste.

January 19, 2014: 5 weeks to go

Just finished a great day at class.  I can tell it was a great day because I feel a mixture of complete exhaustion and pure joy/gratitude.  We have really bonded as a group.

Today I woke up feeling really rested (which was a great improvement over the night before).  Today I got up early (before my alarm) and moved my car to comply with Snow Emergency regulations.  Had yogurt and granola for breakfast around 8:00 a.m.  -- Gee, I think I eat that almost every day... I should probably do something different, but it is nice to not have to think about the prep first thing after waking.

Jason was back teaching today; he has been in Michigan working with Jonny Kest for the past several weeks.  Man am I beat.  It could be that I am just tired from yesterday's classes combined with today's activity (yesterday I attended a 75 min. vinyasa class and an hour long yin class).  Today's class was a 75 min. Ashtanga form, which means a lot of intensity!  Nothing out of the norm, but ramped up breath, swift pace, strong determination to hold boat pose as it is the usual gut-buster for me.

Enjoyed a Clif bar and a blueberry/banana smoothie for lunch in the Life Café with several members of the group.  Heard about Jen's trip to Sedona and her plan to run yoga retreats with a business partner of hers, sounds great!

Meditation was not as great for me today as it was last Sunday.  My mind decided it wanted me to think about past work experiences and I had to keep saying, "no, go away now."  Whereas last Sunday and several times this week I have had a quiet mind/witnessed myself as the observer rather than the thoughts that frequently overcome my consciousness.  It was helpful to read about meditation in The Heart of Yoga and come to realize that we should not work to meditate but rather work to prepare ourselves for meditation should the pieces fall together.  I'll try to go into more detail about this later as I am feeling like I can't stay awake much longer writing.

I am grateful for Mary and Tamara for helping me with my Sun Salutation C sequence today.  I think it went really well and I can't wait to see how it evolves this next week.  Getting in 24 hours of silence will be tricky with my work schedule/duties.  I will try doing it either this Friday or next going into Saturday.  Thankful for a simple supper of leftover chicken, fresh broccoli and a small amount of hummus and pita bread.  Not overwhelmingly balanced but filling, protein-rich and again, little to no prep involved.  Also grateful for a shower and fresh linen.  Now I get to enjoy an early bed time!

January 18, 2014: Gearing up for Sunday

Yesterday I attended Jill's 75 minute Vinyasa flow class in the evening.  I was so afraid I was going to be late since I've been working until 5:00 (even later some nights) now that Tina is gone.  With traffic I made it to Highland with ten minutes to spare.  I changed clothes quickly in the locker room and found a spot in her class.  It was nice to be able to just practice for myself and not worry about having to teach.  She helped me open up a lot.  I took greater chances with my triangle pose, going for a bind which I had never done before.  After class I asked Jill if I could observe one of her classes in the coming week and she said that she would rather have me participate than looking on, so now I know her preference.

When I got home last night I was exhausted, I went to bed around 8:30, fell asleep just after 9:00 p.m.

This morning, I woke up loathing my alarm.  I did not sleep well last night despite the fact that I went to bed early (I woke up around 1 a.m. and my body did not want to go back to sleep until around 3:00 a.m.)  So when my alarm went off just before 8:00 a.m. I struggled to get out of bed.  I did manage to eat a bowl of granola with yogurt around 8:15 a.m. and then I forced myself to get changed into yoga gear. It was 8:45 a.m. when I walked out my front door, I noticed all the snow that had fallen and I grabbed a shovel and made way out the front door.  I cleared a path down the sidewalk, our front entrance and around the house.  Felt like good cardio and with my long underwear on on top of my yoga gear and under my down coat I was quite warm.  Started up my car and cleaned it off.  Just after 9:00 I took off for Highland.  I arrived around 9:15 a.m.  Checked in, put my stuff in a locker and found a space on the floor in the studio.  I worked my way through Jan's 75 minute Vinyasa flow class this morning and stayed for the Yin session afterwards.  I would have liked very much to have stayed longer for meditation but as it was, my body wanted to get outside and enjoy the sunlight.  I called Andrew since I saw he had left a voice message.  I joined him for lunch.  When I arrived at his home I noticed he hadn't shoveled yet (he dislikes shoveling) so I took up the tool and went to work.  15 minutes later his porch and entry ways were clear.  I was *hAngry* to say the least (hungry and angry - although not really angry, just bushed) and was SO happy when we finally sat down to eat.  Doing two and a half hours of yoga on just a bowl of granola/yogurt is truly a no-no for me going forward, I clearly needed more nutrition.

For my yoga meal today I observed an early dinner with Andrew.  Before he went to work he told me he was hungry and it had been about four hours since we had lunch so I agreed to join him.  We drove separately so he could leave right way for work.  We went to Wally's in Dinkytown.  We ordered a falafel and hummus plate to share and we each had a gyro.  I love the food they prepare, it is always so savory and prepared fresh for each dish.  We were limited on time but I did not feel rushed as I ate one bite as a time.  We did not talk during our meal but we enjoyed happy food dances and knowing smiles as we enjoyed our food.  I love the flavors (the gyro meat mixing with the tzatziki sauce and fresh tomatoes...) and am always impressed with the hummus plate and falafel.  The exterior is crispy but not fried and the interior is moist with parsley, cilantro, onions and garlic.

I am thankful for the time I have gotten to enjoy today.  Time for me in class, time for me at home.  I am so glad to have a functioning car again.  It has not been too cold lately, I feel like my muscles are not as tense as they have been, which is a great help when it comes to trying to relax and settle down for the night.  I look forward to my day tomorrow with the group and am open to learning from everyone.  I have designed a Sun C for class and feel like it is not too complicated to teach, so I am thankful for simplicity (and memory recall)!  I am thankful for water; I have had many glasses to drink tonight.  Makes me think about people across the United States not having clean water to drink because of fracking... I am thankful for friends who let me live with them and share their amenities.

January 16, 2014: 38 days remaining in program

I did not make it to class today.  I need to make it tomorrow.  I have been working overtime since Monday and feel beat at the end of each night, so making it home to dinner feels like all I can do.  I am sad that my coworker Tina was let go on Monday, she was someone I looked forward to working with for years to come but I guess that was not a part of the plan.  I also think that she will find something more suited for her, she had higher earning aspirations than the union can offer.  I am very fortunate that their offer is more than sufficient for my needs and desire for savings/debt reduction!  


Daily Yoga Meal:
01/16  I ate chicken with broccoli and brown rice for dinner.

Remained seated? Yes ✓  No.

Refrained from conversation while chewing?  Yes✓  No (if no, % of meal = %)

Refrained from any external distractions?  Yes✓ No  

Waited until food was completely chewed and swallowed before picking up my next bite.  Yes✓  No   (if no, % of meal = %)

Refrained from putting more than two handfuls of food on my plate at any given time, finished eating my two handfuls, then waited 3-5 minutes before taking more food. Yes✓  No

Waited 2-6 hours before taking my next meal. Yes✓ No.

Comments: I was ravenously hungry when it came to be time for dinner.  I am proud of myself for not putting more food on my plate than I could/should eat and I did not shovel it into my mouth.  I took my time and chewed each bite thoroughly before swallowing.  I will not eat again until morning.


Daily Meditation: I held a twenty minute meditation.  I felt antsy.  I was also tired.  Couldn't hold my seated posture without back yelling at me.  My gluteus muscles and hip flexors were tight and I kept wanting to squirm.



Daily Practice:  I practiced on my own at home today.  I still haven't mastered my Sun C yet (and don't know where to begin designing my own variation to teach).  Reading more of The Heart of Yoga.


Daily Gratitude:  I am grateful for my job.  Tina was let go on Monday.  I learned that Tuesday.  I haven't been sure how to respond to the situation. When I was let go from Juut it meant a lot to hear from my colleagues, however I don't know how it would sound coming from me (since I got to keep my job).  I feel like I am a good fit with the position at this time.

January 13, 2014: 41 days remaining in program

Writing a little bit during my lunch break.  Perhaps I will do this every day.  It is nice to be allotted an hour of me time amongst the chaos of office work!  I do really like my job and feel challenged in coming up with ways through the madness.  It really is not as crazy as I make it out to be but it can be frustrating at times when communication is not clear.


Daily Yoga Meal:
01/13  Around 12:15 p.m. I ate in the conference room with Tina.  It was nice to observe the sunlight streaming in and see bits of blue sky.

Remained seated? Yes ✓  No.

Refrained from conversation while chewing?  Yes✓  No (if no, % of meal = %)

Refrained from any external distractions?  Yes✓ No  

Waited until food was completely chewed and swallowed before picking up my next bite.  Yes  No✓   (if no, % of meal = 50%)

Refrained from putting more than two handfuls of food on my plate at any given time, finished eating my two handfuls, then waited 3-5 minutes before taking more food. Yes✓  No

Waited 2-6 hours before taking my next meal. Yes✓ No.

Comments: I had portions of two salads from Lunds grocery store for lunch today.  The first was a chicken curry salad with scallions and the second was a basmati rice, tofu and golden raisins (I had tried both of these salads last fall and thought it would be good to enjoy them again).  I did not rush from bite to bite but I did notice from time to time that while I was chewing my food I had already prepared my fork with the next bite full.


Daily Meditation: Meditation was not as easy tonight as it was yesterday.  Today you could say I felt the sensations of rajas or restlessness.  I have a very stiff back and found it difficult to stay still, my body wanted to stretch, although thankfully my mind was not too busy.  I did have a few times were I went ahead to tomorrow, wondering what I may or my not face, but I told those thoughts to wait for me to get there and went back to feeling the rhythm of my breathing and noticing the pulsing of my body.  Yesterday's meditation was exquisite.  Perhaps it was the energy of the group or the intent with which I was dedicated but I felt like an observer yesterday rather than a busy mind/body of today.  Try again tomorrow :)



Daily Practice:  I did not end up practicing today, I am still feeling pretty beat from yesterday but in place of practice I will continue my reading of The Heart of Yoga and contemplate my Sun C variation.


Daily Gratitude:  I am thankful for my coworker Tina who encouraged me to teach her some yoga postures to ease the pain in her lower back.  I thought of forward fold and then the posture where you lay on your back and rock your knees from side to side (as well as a gentle spinal twist).  I am grateful to have been connected with a mechanic who could fix my car and make it affordable for me!  my left blinker now works (it never had before, I always had to manually press the lever to create a signal), no more leaking power steering fluid and my stolen catalytic converter has been replaced.  I cannot describe how nice it was to be able to drive a function car again :)  I am also happy to be back in my own room and sleep in my own bed, it's been about a week and a half since I've been here.  I am so glad I could stay with my Mom during the duration of my car repair and have her assistance getting to and from work each day.