6 weeks to go. I am supposed to keep journaling. Every time I sit down to try I just want to go to sleep. Keep it short and simple.
Today's class was SO powerful. We started with a 75 minute Ashtanga sequence, then had a 20 minute meditation, during which I felt utterly calm, my mind was silent and I felt almost outside myself in the sense that I was simply the observer instead of the occupant with thoughts racing free. I helped guide metta meditation again. I don't know why I can't ever seem to get the whole love and compassion deal into it, I always just kind of deliver and then it is over and I don't know how to close the experience. I will try to write a script. Also think it would be helpful to write a script for setting up sacred space (3-5 minutes before any class to get people in touch with their breath).
I ate lunch with everyone upstairs at the Café. First I walked across the street to buy a sandwich at Lunds. When I was at the stoplight a man stopped me and asked if I would buy a rosary from him, which I did. I also got a phone call from the mechanic who has been working on my car. It is ready! I have made arrangements to have it picked up tomorrow after work. I've been without a car for over a week, someone stole my catalytic converter last weekend when I was staying at my Mother's apartment building. I am trying to decide whether or not going forward if I should have comprehensive insurance, before I just had liability. I would like to be able to visit my Mother without worrying whether or not my car will be vandalized. It is not a quick fix, nor is it something I can afford to have replaced all the time. I almost didn't think I was going to get it replaced and that I would have to get a new car because the quote was so high from the first mechanic, good thing I was given a referral. I will see tomorrow how good of a job he has done!
Anyway, I came back from Lunds with my sandwich and ordered a kale/spinach smoothie from the Life Café and sat down with my classmates. Everyone was exuberant today. I could just sense an energy about everyone, excitement.
After lunch we took a short nap and then we discussed our weaknesses (we had written a paper about our biggest weakness) and what mainly surfaced was the common belief that weaknesses act as a way of promoting growth, or that weakness are not necessarily a bad thing but that they illustrate a corresponding strength or a level of compassion...
From this discussion Jan brought us into practicing the set up of sacred space. Michael, Dean and Aviel lead the group today. It was good to get a feel for how long that practice should take; some good do's and don'ts too. This is what I want to devise: a script or two to get groups going, finding their breath, noticing how they are feeling and accepting where they are/how they are feeling as being right for them at this time.
After a short break Jan had us do Sun A, Sun B (both taught Ashtanga style but I think we were supposed to do Vinayasa style...) then Sun C/variations. We flowed for thirty minutes without guidance. My heart was racing, my body was sweating and my breath was quickened. By the end I wanted to just croak. She had us do "logs" or core exercises that focus on building muscular endurance. We held several sets of boat pose for about 10 breaths each with intermittent "floating, not quite lying down" poses. We were beat. We made it but we were dead tired. When it came time for savasana after this practice I just cried. I am not sure if it was the music, my exhaustion or the words that came from Jan. "When the student is ready the teacher comes." I have waited years for this, hoping I would someday be ready to receive such a great teacher, when the realization is that I am my best possible teacher and that I have been here all along. That and lyrics sung by Tracy Chapman and I was a mess. Grateful but overwhelmed.
Today I am thankful for all the support and energy my group mates shared with me. They upheld my story and were willing to share theirs. We pulled through testing postures and had to trust ourselves to create our own C sequence variations during the impromptu flow session.
Sarah gave me a ride home (to my Mom's apartment, staying overnight again so she can give me a ride to work in the morning).
I am grateful for the showers I have had, the water I have had to drink and the great night's rest I am about to have. I love my Mother and am without words for the love I have felt from my classmates and teacher today.
My yoga meal: I ate a pot roast that my mother so lovingly cooked when I got home. It was so tender and I loved all of the vegetables that were served with the meat. No distraction, remained seated, enjoyed my Mother's company and did not talk when I was eating or interrupt her when she was eating. I did not over eat. I will wait until morning to eat again.
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