6 weeks to go. I am supposed to keep journaling. Every time I sit down to try I just want to go to sleep. Keep it short and simple.
Today's class was SO powerful. We started with a 75 minute Ashtanga sequence, then had a 20 minute meditation, during which I felt utterly calm, my mind was silent and I felt almost outside myself in the sense that I was simply the observer instead of the occupant with thoughts racing free. I helped guide metta meditation again. I don't know why I can't ever seem to get the whole love and compassion deal into it, I always just kind of deliver and then it is over and I don't know how to close the experience. I will try to write a script. Also think it would be helpful to write a script for setting up sacred space (3-5 minutes before any class to get people in touch with their breath).
I ate lunch with everyone upstairs at the Café. First I walked across the street to buy a sandwich at Lunds. When I was at the stoplight a man stopped me and asked if I would buy a rosary from him, which I did. I also got a phone call from the mechanic who has been working on my car. It is ready! I have made arrangements to have it picked up tomorrow after work. I've been without a car for over a week, someone stole my catalytic converter last weekend when I was staying at my Mother's apartment building. I am trying to decide whether or not going forward if I should have comprehensive insurance, before I just had liability. I would like to be able to visit my Mother without worrying whether or not my car will be vandalized. It is not a quick fix, nor is it something I can afford to have replaced all the time. I almost didn't think I was going to get it replaced and that I would have to get a new car because the quote was so high from the first mechanic, good thing I was given a referral. I will see tomorrow how good of a job he has done!
Anyway, I came back from Lunds with my sandwich and ordered a kale/spinach smoothie from the Life Café and sat down with my classmates. Everyone was exuberant today. I could just sense an energy about everyone, excitement.
After lunch we took a short nap and then we discussed our weaknesses (we had written a paper about our biggest weakness) and what mainly surfaced was the common belief that weaknesses act as a way of promoting growth, or that weakness are not necessarily a bad thing but that they illustrate a corresponding strength or a level of compassion...
From this discussion Jan brought us into practicing the set up of sacred space. Michael, Dean and Aviel lead the group today. It was good to get a feel for how long that practice should take; some good do's and don'ts too. This is what I want to devise: a script or two to get groups going, finding their breath, noticing how they are feeling and accepting where they are/how they are feeling as being right for them at this time.
After a short break Jan had us do Sun A, Sun B (both taught Ashtanga style but I think we were supposed to do Vinayasa style...) then Sun C/variations. We flowed for thirty minutes without guidance. My heart was racing, my body was sweating and my breath was quickened. By the end I wanted to just croak. She had us do "logs" or core exercises that focus on building muscular endurance. We held several sets of boat pose for about 10 breaths each with intermittent "floating, not quite lying down" poses. We were beat. We made it but we were dead tired. When it came time for savasana after this practice I just cried. I am not sure if it was the music, my exhaustion or the words that came from Jan. "When the student is ready the teacher comes." I have waited years for this, hoping I would someday be ready to receive such a great teacher, when the realization is that I am my best possible teacher and that I have been here all along. That and lyrics sung by Tracy Chapman and I was a mess. Grateful but overwhelmed.
Today I am thankful for all the support and energy my group mates shared with me. They upheld my story and were willing to share theirs. We pulled through testing postures and had to trust ourselves to create our own C sequence variations during the impromptu flow session.
Sarah gave me a ride home (to my Mom's apartment, staying overnight again so she can give me a ride to work in the morning).
I am grateful for the showers I have had, the water I have had to drink and the great night's rest I am about to have. I love my Mother and am without words for the love I have felt from my classmates and teacher today.
My yoga meal: I ate a pot roast that my mother so lovingly cooked when I got home. It was so tender and I loved all of the vegetables that were served with the meat. No distraction, remained seated, enjoyed my Mother's company and did not talk when I was eating or interrupt her when she was eating. I did not over eat. I will wait until morning to eat again.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
"Biggest Weakness"
My biggest weakness is my continual inability to trust or let go. I like being in control and I do not feel comfortable acting with the spirit of spontanetiy I enjoy ritual and tend to struggle when “unpredictable things”
happen. The disturbance I feel causes me to fight my way back to “equilibrium.” I place these words in
quotation marks because I want to express the dubious nature of both unpredictable events and equilibrium. If I
were to truly take the time to look ahead using dhyana (reflection) I would greatly lessen the amount of duhkha
(feeling of discomfort or pain) that I feel in these types of situations. Furthermore unpredictable situations would
not altogether exist if I were to be more fully present and aware of the possible preconceptions and habitual
actions that I hold and how they affect the way I interact with this world.
Recently I got into a disagreement with a loved one purely because I was unable to cope with their sudden need for change and my desire for control. I had expected to spend my Thursday evening with a particular person because that is what I enjoy doing and when this person decided mid-day to change plans I was very disturbed Instead of taking time to step out of the situation and evaluate it from all the sides (using pratipaksa) my mind went into overdrive. My ego was shot. Why wasn't I good enough to spend time with? Was I no longer important? I was afraid that if I did not make my concern known that I would become subject to further upset (i.e. ignored or forgotten in the future). Instead of recognizing where this other person was coming and his/her need to be alone, I was stuck on my own feelings. I was stuck on me and where I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing.
In retrospect this experience was entirely ironic as I had just read about avidya , of which I recognize myself experiencing all forms (ego, fear, refusal, desire), more so on some days than others. Furthermore, in learning about duhkha I have come to realize that I have been dealing with control issues from a very young age. I remember a particular instance when I was twelve, turning thirteen. I was greatly upset when my parents surprised me with a trip to Chicago. I had prepared in my mind for several weeks that my parents were going on a business trip without me and missing my thirteenth birthday. I had planned to stay with friends and packed my suitcase for a week's stay at my friend's home. However, when it came time to wish my parents farewell at the airport, they informed me that I was coming with them.
I was greatly upset. My mind raced: I had a field trip to go on the next day for school; I needed my homework and it wasn't with me, it was at my friend's house! I couldn't possibly go on this trip because there was quarter-long project I needed to complete... I finally agreed to go with my parents on this trip after they promised to have my homework faxed to the hotel we would be staying in. I also wanted to be sure the proper phone calls were made to inform friends and teachers that I would not be in town or attending class the following few days.
Recently I got into a disagreement with a loved one purely because I was unable to cope with their sudden need for change and my desire for control. I had expected to spend my Thursday evening with a particular person because that is what I enjoy doing and when this person decided mid-day to change plans I was very disturbed Instead of taking time to step out of the situation and evaluate it from all the sides (using pratipaksa) my mind went into overdrive. My ego was shot. Why wasn't I good enough to spend time with? Was I no longer important? I was afraid that if I did not make my concern known that I would become subject to further upset (i.e. ignored or forgotten in the future). Instead of recognizing where this other person was coming and his/her need to be alone, I was stuck on my own feelings. I was stuck on me and where I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing.
In retrospect this experience was entirely ironic as I had just read about avidya , of which I recognize myself experiencing all forms (ego, fear, refusal, desire), more so on some days than others. Furthermore, in learning about duhkha I have come to realize that I have been dealing with control issues from a very young age. I remember a particular instance when I was twelve, turning thirteen. I was greatly upset when my parents surprised me with a trip to Chicago. I had prepared in my mind for several weeks that my parents were going on a business trip without me and missing my thirteenth birthday. I had planned to stay with friends and packed my suitcase for a week's stay at my friend's home. However, when it came time to wish my parents farewell at the airport, they informed me that I was coming with them.
I was greatly upset. My mind raced: I had a field trip to go on the next day for school; I needed my homework and it wasn't with me, it was at my friend's house! I couldn't possibly go on this trip because there was quarter-long project I needed to complete... I finally agreed to go with my parents on this trip after they promised to have my homework faxed to the hotel we would be staying in. I also wanted to be sure the proper phone calls were made to inform friends and teachers that I would not be in town or attending class the following few days.
As you can see, I certainly had a very particular reaction to this situation. Another child might have jumped for joy at the opportunity to miss school or have her parents remember her birthday and make it special. For me it was just too much of a surprise and change for me to deal with. I lovingly explained to my parents how difficult it was and that I was not pleased with the surprise but that in general their idea was clever and certainly tricked me down to the last minute. They never tried to pull a surprise birthday or a surprise any kind of event ever again. Sometimes when I meet people, I will describe the difficulty I have when it comes to switching gears. I don't think that many people actually get it until they witness me experiencing a breakdown of sorts, which is very unpleasant for them and embarrassing for me.
While a weakness can be detrimental, as it certainly can strain relationships, it is important to recognize how the existence of a weakness can serve as a starting point from which one can improve. For example, my greatest weakness demonstrates the depth of my ability to care or invest in a situation or a result. While I do not think it is good to be overly attached to results, it is beneficial to recognize how much I care about outcomes and the energy I am willing to expend to ensure the best possible experience. To create greater peace of mind and enable my spirit to grow, I need to learn that by letting go of control or neediness I am creating room to allow life to happen, instead of restricting the flow.
I have appreciated reading The Heart of Yoga. As per usual, I have found that the reading is exceedingly spot-on for where I am in the program. It has been enormously helpful to learn about avidy and duhkha. Whenever I feel stuck it is good to remember that it is only natural. Of course it would be fantastic to minimize the amount of time and energy spent being stuck and instead live in a state of kaivalya, free from external concerns, being able to recognize the reality of what is and what is not important. Furthermore, I would like to act from a place of sattva (or clarity, calm-mindedness). For many years I have felt sluggish and lethargic, which makes me believe I have been acting from a mindset of tamas; very infrequently do I suffer from rajas as I am rarely excitable (although I do find my mind to be restless during meditation).
What I am trying to get at in my essay here is that what I have been struggling with these past few days has been a surfacing of this weakness that I have dealt with my whole life. According to T.K.V. Desikachar, “when we become aware of duhkha and see it as something to face, we are also able to find a way to get rid of it” (The Heart of Yoga, 85). My challenge moving forward is to let go of the reins. If I can be less invested in a result and instead enjoy the ride a bit more I think my level of stress would greatly decrease and my ability to interact with others would be greatly strengthened.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Day 104/154: January 4, 2014
Another day of resistance. It has been so long since I have followed my daily disciplines to a T. I keep making peace with my choices and yet I continue to feel challenged to get on the straight and narrow path.
I do feel like I have incorporated many aspects of my yoga practice/lessons into my daily be-ing, but there are certain practices I continue to resist (i.e. daily practice with others, weekly teaching practice, meditation).
I successfully eat mindfully. I mind my breath. I am aware of empathetic listening. I am aware of my intuition and my feelings (as well as sensing others' feelings). I sleep more soundly. I act with more dedication in my work. I make time for myself and for others. I am able to say yes and no without hesitation. I make more time for play. I have more gratitude and I give more willingly. I have less fear and more motivation. I am more accepting of change and challenges. While I don't feel like I want to instruct at this time I feel like I have grounded myself and made a new beginning (and that I have permission to "start again" every day).
I have 50 days left of my program. 7 weeks, 1 day. I will make the most of it. Tomorrow through Tuesday are supposed to be the coldest days of winter. I am not sure I will make it to class as I had to have my car towed this morning (it started but it was much louder than it has ever been before and I did not feel safe driving it to a mechanic). I know that I can use my mother's car to get to class but I don't really want to put myself in danger with the bitter cold temperatures. We shall see how I feel when I wake up.
I do feel like I have incorporated many aspects of my yoga practice/lessons into my daily be-ing, but there are certain practices I continue to resist (i.e. daily practice with others, weekly teaching practice, meditation).
I successfully eat mindfully. I mind my breath. I am aware of empathetic listening. I am aware of my intuition and my feelings (as well as sensing others' feelings). I sleep more soundly. I act with more dedication in my work. I make time for myself and for others. I am able to say yes and no without hesitation. I make more time for play. I have more gratitude and I give more willingly. I have less fear and more motivation. I am more accepting of change and challenges. While I don't feel like I want to instruct at this time I feel like I have grounded myself and made a new beginning (and that I have permission to "start again" every day).
I have 50 days left of my program. 7 weeks, 1 day. I will make the most of it. Tomorrow through Tuesday are supposed to be the coldest days of winter. I am not sure I will make it to class as I had to have my car towed this morning (it started but it was much louder than it has ever been before and I did not feel safe driving it to a mechanic). I know that I can use my mother's car to get to class but I don't really want to put myself in danger with the bitter cold temperatures. We shall see how I feel when I wake up.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Day 78: Dec. 9, 2013
This week I have been asked to keep track of moments of empathy and to note my reactions. I'm not really sure if I am supposed to notice others' empathy or my own... so to start I will write about my own.
Today I practiced patience over the phone with each person I spoke with. I feel like I was able to connect with each person and hear their story. I felt like I was not only doing my job but taking the time to observe them in however they were feeling as they spoke with me. Most were pleasant conversationalists and those who were impatient I could tell sensed that I was trying to take my time with them and I sensed their tension release a bit.
I think my favorite moment today was when I was at a register paying for a meal. I noticed what I thought was a GIANT grapefruit, of which I made a comment to the cashier. She mentioned how they were her favorite fruit and I saw her eyes light up. She told me that where she came from they are called "pomelo" and that they are very sweet if you let them sit for a week or more (I later learned when I came home that pomelo and grapefruit are different fruit but closely related). I thanked her for her service and wished her a warm and happy evening. Her eyes twinkled once more and I sensed a genuine smile from her as she wished the same for me. A simple interaction between two people, but delightful. I felt like I was taking home the feeling of warmth, happiness and satisfaction rather than a container of leftover pad thai. I think what makes the difference is taking the time to connect and ask something about the other person (or something that interests them) to create a genuine/memorable connection. In terms of empathy, it means not shutting people out but welcoming them in, regardless of where they are in their day or how they are feeling. Making room for their response whatever it may be and allowing myself to be comfortable with knowing that others might not make the same allowance for connection or time with me and to respect their boundary/wish for time/space.
I am thankful that my car started this morning without much hesitation. I am thankful that I was able to share dinner with my mom at our favorite Chinese restaurant (which we have been going to since I was four years old, maybe even younger). Thankful for fresh fruit; I had two clementines today... and candied pecans from Local 48, Atlanta. Their letter was so gracious, thanking Local 34 for extending work opportunities to their members throughout this past year. It is good to be reminded of generosity, whether it be of time or resources – may we all share as we are best able.
Today I practiced patience over the phone with each person I spoke with. I feel like I was able to connect with each person and hear their story. I felt like I was not only doing my job but taking the time to observe them in however they were feeling as they spoke with me. Most were pleasant conversationalists and those who were impatient I could tell sensed that I was trying to take my time with them and I sensed their tension release a bit.
I think my favorite moment today was when I was at a register paying for a meal. I noticed what I thought was a GIANT grapefruit, of which I made a comment to the cashier. She mentioned how they were her favorite fruit and I saw her eyes light up. She told me that where she came from they are called "pomelo" and that they are very sweet if you let them sit for a week or more (I later learned when I came home that pomelo and grapefruit are different fruit but closely related). I thanked her for her service and wished her a warm and happy evening. Her eyes twinkled once more and I sensed a genuine smile from her as she wished the same for me. A simple interaction between two people, but delightful. I felt like I was taking home the feeling of warmth, happiness and satisfaction rather than a container of leftover pad thai. I think what makes the difference is taking the time to connect and ask something about the other person (or something that interests them) to create a genuine/memorable connection. In terms of empathy, it means not shutting people out but welcoming them in, regardless of where they are in their day or how they are feeling. Making room for their response whatever it may be and allowing myself to be comfortable with knowing that others might not make the same allowance for connection or time with me and to respect their boundary/wish for time/space.
I am thankful that my car started this morning without much hesitation. I am thankful that I was able to share dinner with my mom at our favorite Chinese restaurant (which we have been going to since I was four years old, maybe even younger). Thankful for fresh fruit; I had two clementines today... and candied pecans from Local 48, Atlanta. Their letter was so gracious, thanking Local 34 for extending work opportunities to their members throughout this past year. It is good to be reminded of generosity, whether it be of time or resources – may we all share as we are best able.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Day 77: Dec. 8, 2013
The following is an email I wrote in Jan's absence to our class recapping the week and highlighting homework.
Hello Tribe! Claire here with a recap/homework for the week ahead –
Today we talked about Part One of Dr. Dean Ornish's Program for Reversing Heart Disease. After sharing excerpts and thoughts about the book it seems that we all took away the concept that isolation creates dis-ease and connection and intimacy create healing. If you haven't already completed reading part one of the book, it is recommended that you do so :)
Dean pointed out a wise nugget he picked up somewhere on the difference between Illness and wellness (which was also in our reading, Dr. Ornish talks about the dangers of I versus we).If we had an interest in reading more on mind/body connection, Jason recommended a book called Molecules of Emotion by Candace Pert. This book further illustrates how connections influence well being.
We reviewed the five types of adjustments:
1. Presence
2. Verbal cues
3. Press points
4. Physical manipulation
5. Modeling (as the least often used method)
To emphasize presence, we went through several exercises to help us increase our understanding and experience of empathy. Michelle emphatically stressed how important she has found empathy to be as a teacher; to have students feel like the teacher is WITH them and not above them.
The first exercise we did was with a single partner. We sat together and spent ten minutes looking into each other's eyes. This experience revealed different things for each person (some vulnerability, others laughter) but overall we took away a sense of connection and love that we can have for another if we just take the time to see another person/that "hate" is very difficult to experience when we realize that another person is so very much like us...
Two links here to share. One is "Touching Strangers" by Richard Rinaldi (click link for YouTube video).
The other is by Marina Abramovic´ e Ulay – MOMA 2010. (Watch this one, it is amazing.)
Next we formed groups of three and took turns being the observer watching two students. Two in the group would practice Sun Salutations A/B while the third person as the teacher simply watched. After four minutes, the teacher would share what they observed and the students would confirm or clarify what the teacher observed about their practice (if the teacher's observations were accurate or not). Most found they were.
Jason stressed to us here that it is important for us to keep practicing our teaching of the short form Ashtanga and the Vinyasa variations so that we don't have to spend any time thinking about logistics and can focus more on our students/helping them when we spot areas that we can assist.
Our next exercise we found ourselves with one partner. We sat back to back and observed each other's breathing. After several minutes of silent observation, one partner would turn around to face the other partner's back, place their hands on that person's back and simply feel their breath. After another minute or so the partner, having laid their hands on the other partner's back, would begin to massage the seated partner. We each took turns being the recipient and the giver of massage, allowing intuition and trust guide us. Again, this exercise taught us the power of touch, connection and kinship.
We then discussed that there are two qualities that ensure growth as a yoga teacher:
1. Empathy (as previously discussed)
2. Grit (sticking with it)
We proceeded to practice both of these qualities with our final group exercise for the day. In groups of three we practiced creating sacred space, introducing ujjayi pranayama, guiding/reminding/letting flow on their own Sun Salutation A/B Vinyasa variations (using verbal cues/hands in empathic way to relate to the student). The final challenge was integrating benefits - if possible! Each person in the group of three had the chance to be a teacher while the other two participated as students; we each were able to receive and give constructive feedback.
Finally we were given a few quick press point ideas/options for physical manipulation:
*cupping/pressing opposite shoulders in utkatasana twist
*squaring hips/pressing through heel/pressing bent knee further forward/lifting arms up or back to increase chest expansion in virabhadrasana 1.
HOMEWORK:
- Continue Daily Disciplines (Yoga Meal, Yoga Practice, Meditation, Gratitude).
- Read introduction to Light on Yoga/ be prepared to share 2-3 thoughts/insights on reading/have a question for the group. (Can do study guide questions too.)
- Attend 1+ Hot Vinyasa class at a Lifetime
* Practice teaching at least 3 times. Continue to practice creating sacred space, establishing ujjayi pranayama breath, introduce bandhas, vinayasa variations A/B and incorporate adjustments into teaching practice.
- Journal about moments of empathy and connection. What results does it create?
Special Assignment!! If your schedule allows attend one or all of the following short form Ashtanga classes taught by ouramazing classmates:
*Dean will be teaching at 6:30 p.m. on Tuesday, December 10 at Eden Prairie Athletic Club on Prairie Center Drive (be there or be square).
*Mary is subbing for Jan at Highland this Thursday, December 12 at 12:00/noon.
*Kara is leading the 6:00 a.m. class here at Highland this Friday, December 13. (REPLY ALL/CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG ABOUT THIS ONE!)
So many opportunities to grow in our practice and support one another. Make a great week!
Love,
Claire
**Oh and one more video link! I saw this yesterday after finishing my reading and thought it was worth sharing. I hope that cases of cancer do go down within our lifetime as more and more people learn about healthier ways of living, but while cancer remains I hope that we can provide hope and light to those who otherwise feel downtrodden... I thought this video/experience was great as it allowed these people to alleviate their suffering/forget the circumstance that otherwise is a crushing weight on each of them every day. Maybe we can do this for people too? Perhaps not with makeup and fancy hairdo's, but hey why not try with yoga?
"20 cancer patients participated in a unique makeover experience. They were invited to a studio. Their hair and makeup were completely redone. During the transformation, they were asked to keep their eyes shut. A photographer then immortalized the moment they opened their eyes. This discovery allowed them to forget their illness, IF ONLY FOR A SECOND. "
Monday, December 2, 2013
Day 71: Dec. 2, 2013
It snowed today. After work I decided to stay home and do my yoga practice alone. I set up a fire in the fireplace and practiced in the living room when my housemates were out to dinner. I only did my Sun Salutations today but that was enough for me. I don't know why Mondays are so difficult but I feel exhausted inevitably every Monday evening. Had I headed straight to Lifetime from work I would have had to wait two hours for class... so going home and staying there seems more my speed (especially on a night when traffic is a standstill in response to the first snow of the season). Blah blah, no one needs to read this stuff. "Excuses just satisfy the ones who make them" said Mr. Lofboom, my 7th grade English composition teacher.
It was interesting not practicing with my mat (it was in the trunk of my car and I did not care to go outside to fetch it once I changed into my yoga attire). I practiced barefoot on the rug and found it was very difficult to maintain my balance/grip. It's amazing how much work our feet do to keep us grounded all the time. I felt some tightness in my hamstrings and quadriceps today. I almost glided into my up dogs, so that was kind of cool. The sequences did heat up my core quickly today. Perhaps it was because I was working so hard to get my feet to keep my grounded but I felt like my mala and uddiayana bandhas were fully engaged and roaring with heat.
During my meditation I had the thought come to me that I shouldn't avoid doing what I'm interested despite my hesitation regarding finances. I am interested in studying massage and Reiki; what is stopping me? Me. As Cloud Cult says "You're the Only Thing in Your Way." I'm not sure if I want to practice ONE of these things more than another but I think they would all work well, holistically together. I am also still drawn towards arts education (but haven't decided exactly what that means yet). I had to work hard to keep my focus on my breath because I was so excited by my discovery (that I am the one blocking myself, no one else). I am so much more powerful and capable than I give myself credit for. This is my one life, I want to be sure I use it fully to educate and love others. I want to promote healing and understanding. I want to share peace and calm, offer serenity, joy and connection.
For my yoga meal I will write about my breakfast. I did not sit down, I ate standing in the kitchen next to Pippa this morning at 6:15 a.m. I ate a fried egg with mushrooms and a sliced up onion and the remaining half of a leftover sweet potato. I think this meal was beneficial for my good start today. I did not get hungry until about 10:30 a.m. which is later than usual, I'm typically craving sustenance around 9:00. It was good eating next to her, hearing about her night and generally just sharing the moment. We were rushed but I did not talk with food in my mouth and I ate each bite fully before starting the next. Having something different helped me savor the pleasant and varied flavors present in my dish. I highly recommend improvising breakfast to anyone who is reading this; cereal can be great but it can be so blah that there isn't much to think about or appreciate. Eating a warm non-traditional meal helped me remember to take notice of the food I was preparing/eating. It wasn't my plan to have a sweet potato with breakfast but I think I will make it a more regular thing (at least during this season of the year)! Talk about breakfast with a punch (of vitamins).
I am grateful for a warm fire, a comfy couch to sit on; a safe drive home. I am grateful that my Mom was able to get help from AAA to get access to her car (she locked her keys, phone and purse inside). Thank goodness she wasn't locked out of work – I cannot imagine her having to find her way in the dark on the icy sidewalk shuffling her way to a pay phone (do those still exist? I know there is a gas station about a mile from her work). I am grateful that my friend Brigit survived a fire that occurred last Friday in her apartment building in Chicago. May she be able to have her own space once again before too long and may her neighbors, who were less fortunate and lost a dog and most of their belongings, may this event show them the generous and loving nature of those surrounding them/may they not be in want of any necessity.
I am grateful for my overwhelming desire to contribute or give back to people; my desire to share extends beyond those I know personally to friends of the family (and strangers). I am SO happy to hear the Chris, a woman that attends the Sunday yoga class, found a job at the UMN/Fairview clinic. She was unemployed right around the time I was offered the job at the Union, so I am happy we were able to reconnect and that she has had success – she is working right where she wanted to be! I am happy to know that Connie's cat Hendrix pulled through, his vet said he wasn't doing well on Thanksgiving but he managed to survive the holiday and has come back strong.
I am thankful for the Christmas tree in our living room. I grew up with plastic trees and this one is triumphant in its stance. These pictures are just close ups of their ornaments but again, majestic :) It's great to have the smell of evergreen in the house, it's new to me and I keep wondering where it is coming from, then I remember – the tree! I don't know if I would ever choose to buy a tree or have one cut down for my living room in the future (so much to take care of) but I will enjoy this one.
It was interesting not practicing with my mat (it was in the trunk of my car and I did not care to go outside to fetch it once I changed into my yoga attire). I practiced barefoot on the rug and found it was very difficult to maintain my balance/grip. It's amazing how much work our feet do to keep us grounded all the time. I felt some tightness in my hamstrings and quadriceps today. I almost glided into my up dogs, so that was kind of cool. The sequences did heat up my core quickly today. Perhaps it was because I was working so hard to get my feet to keep my grounded but I felt like my mala and uddiayana bandhas were fully engaged and roaring with heat.
During my meditation I had the thought come to me that I shouldn't avoid doing what I'm interested despite my hesitation regarding finances. I am interested in studying massage and Reiki; what is stopping me? Me. As Cloud Cult says "You're the Only Thing in Your Way." I'm not sure if I want to practice ONE of these things more than another but I think they would all work well, holistically together. I am also still drawn towards arts education (but haven't decided exactly what that means yet). I had to work hard to keep my focus on my breath because I was so excited by my discovery (that I am the one blocking myself, no one else). I am so much more powerful and capable than I give myself credit for. This is my one life, I want to be sure I use it fully to educate and love others. I want to promote healing and understanding. I want to share peace and calm, offer serenity, joy and connection.
For my yoga meal I will write about my breakfast. I did not sit down, I ate standing in the kitchen next to Pippa this morning at 6:15 a.m. I ate a fried egg with mushrooms and a sliced up onion and the remaining half of a leftover sweet potato. I think this meal was beneficial for my good start today. I did not get hungry until about 10:30 a.m. which is later than usual, I'm typically craving sustenance around 9:00. It was good eating next to her, hearing about her night and generally just sharing the moment. We were rushed but I did not talk with food in my mouth and I ate each bite fully before starting the next. Having something different helped me savor the pleasant and varied flavors present in my dish. I highly recommend improvising breakfast to anyone who is reading this; cereal can be great but it can be so blah that there isn't much to think about or appreciate. Eating a warm non-traditional meal helped me remember to take notice of the food I was preparing/eating. It wasn't my plan to have a sweet potato with breakfast but I think I will make it a more regular thing (at least during this season of the year)! Talk about breakfast with a punch (of vitamins).
I am grateful for a warm fire, a comfy couch to sit on; a safe drive home. I am grateful that my Mom was able to get help from AAA to get access to her car (she locked her keys, phone and purse inside). Thank goodness she wasn't locked out of work – I cannot imagine her having to find her way in the dark on the icy sidewalk shuffling her way to a pay phone (do those still exist? I know there is a gas station about a mile from her work). I am grateful that my friend Brigit survived a fire that occurred last Friday in her apartment building in Chicago. May she be able to have her own space once again before too long and may her neighbors, who were less fortunate and lost a dog and most of their belongings, may this event show them the generous and loving nature of those surrounding them/may they not be in want of any necessity.
I am grateful for my overwhelming desire to contribute or give back to people; my desire to share extends beyond those I know personally to friends of the family (and strangers). I am SO happy to hear the Chris, a woman that attends the Sunday yoga class, found a job at the UMN/Fairview clinic. She was unemployed right around the time I was offered the job at the Union, so I am happy we were able to reconnect and that she has had success – she is working right where she wanted to be! I am happy to know that Connie's cat Hendrix pulled through, his vet said he wasn't doing well on Thanksgiving but he managed to survive the holiday and has come back strong.
I am thankful for the Christmas tree in our living room. I grew up with plastic trees and this one is triumphant in its stance. These pictures are just close ups of their ornaments but again, majestic :) It's great to have the smell of evergreen in the house, it's new to me and I keep wondering where it is coming from, then I remember – the tree! I don't know if I would ever choose to buy a tree or have one cut down for my living room in the future (so much to take care of) but I will enjoy this one.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Day 70: Dec. 1, 2013
Today was the first Sunday of Advent. I did not go to church (I haven't for quite some time) but I thought of my Mom and Dad and remembered this day. I wondered what the liturgy was, so I looked it up. All the readings from the ELCA website were about being ready, anticipation of the coming of Christ. I guess this makes sense in preparation for Christmas. I'm just used to the idea that the readings are more reflective of the anticipation of the birth of Jesus than the ministry of Jesus.
[The lectionary for Year A. Subsequent information on Year A, B, C and how they differ.]
In YOGA news:
I woke up around 8:30 a.m. Had a bowl of oatmeal. Got ready and then went to 11:15 Ashtanga yoga, led this week by Jan. There were several moments where we laughed as a group. A first: I loved the inclusion of Amos Lee's Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight song during savasana.
Usually I'm disturbed by music but since I was not trying to quiet my mind at this time I just found myself smiling in response to the music and lyrics of this song. I had one tear (usually when I cry, I'm a bawling wreck). While it was not a huge sob fest - I did feel a gentle happy release. I remembered when I first heard this song, back at Saint Olaf. It touched me then but it touches me differently now, having a better understanding of adult life (paying rent, appreciating greatness in the man I choose to be in a relationship with; recognizing what beauty is and where it's found - in everyone around me).
Following class we had a 30 minute meditation, I was asked to lead mettā-meditation which caught me by surprise. It was a pleasant experience, much like leading a family prayer. One woman even took the opportunity to ask for loving thoughts for her friend who was going through cancer. I did not quite know how to wrap things up but Jan gracefully took over and we ended with our typical saying "may all beings feel peace, may all beings share love and compassion." She did not share any feedback afterwards so apparently my freeform method worked out. So that was funny. I was ready to lead a Sun Salutation A or B sequence but did not anticipate being called on for mettā-meditation. Good surprise to have I guess. After class I spoke with Aviel. He wasn't feeling too well, so we post-poned our practice teaching session which actually was a relief. I was happy to have the day free to go grocery shopping, enjoy a walk and catch up on some more reading.
Yoga Meal: After I went grocery shopping I came home and cut open a grapefruit. I ate both halves of it without any added sugar, just as it was. I made sure to enjoy the juice left from the remaining pulp inside the rind, which I squeezed into my bowl. After waiting several minutes I found that I was still hungry so I prepare a bowl of almond granola with whole fat yogurt. This was very satisfying. I remained seated throughout my meal (aside from getting up to prepare the bowl of granola). I had no interruptions/did not speak to anyone while I was eating. I was not rushed and was able to take the time to consider each bite. I savored the richness present in each of the items I chose for my meal. Overall, a success!
Gratitude: Thankful for this long weekend, 4 days. Time with loved ones. Time alone. Enjoyed a fireplace, a few walks, several cups of tea. Met my goal of drinking eight glasses of water three days in a row now. Met my sleep goal each night over this break as well (despite being kept up late with a house party next door last night and a house party here on Wednesday). Hoping I can bring the energy and wellness with me into this week. Heading to bed now so I can wake up refreshed and ready to give tomorrow/next week my all. Peace be to all. Happiness be with all. May there be less suffering and more understanding in our world. Goodnight.
[The lectionary for Year A. Subsequent information on Year A, B, C and how they differ.]
In YOGA news:
I woke up around 8:30 a.m. Had a bowl of oatmeal. Got ready and then went to 11:15 Ashtanga yoga, led this week by Jan. There were several moments where we laughed as a group. A first: I loved the inclusion of Amos Lee's Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight song during savasana.
Amos' lyrics to Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight:
Well I walked over the
bridge
Into the city where I
live,
and I saw my old landlord.
Well we both said hello,
There was no where else to
go,
'cuz his rent I couldn't
afford.
Well relationships
change,
Oh I think it's kinda
strange,
How money makes a man
grow.
Some people they claim,
If you get enough fame,
You live over the rainbow.
Over the rainbow...
But the people on the
street,
Out on buses or on feet,
We all got the same blood
flow.
Oh, in society,
every
dollar got a deed,
We all need a place so we can go,
and feel over the
rainbow.
But sometimes,
We forget what we got,
Who we are.
Oh who are
are not.
I think we gotta chance,
To make it right.
Keep it loose,
Keep it tight.
Keep it tight.
I'm in love with a girl,
Who's in love with the
world,
Though I can't help but
follow.
Though I know some day,
She is bound to go away,
And stay over the rainbow.
Gotta learn how to let her
go.
Over the rainbow.
Sometimes we forget who we
got,
Who they are.
Oh, who
they are not.
There is so much more in
love,
Than black and white.
Keep it loose child,
Gotta keep it tight.
Keep it loose child,
Keep it tight.
**I highlighted some of the words that stuck out to me today.
Following class we had a 30 minute meditation, I was asked to lead mettā-meditation which caught me by surprise. It was a pleasant experience, much like leading a family prayer. One woman even took the opportunity to ask for loving thoughts for her friend who was going through cancer. I did not quite know how to wrap things up but Jan gracefully took over and we ended with our typical saying "may all beings feel peace, may all beings share love and compassion." She did not share any feedback afterwards so apparently my freeform method worked out. So that was funny. I was ready to lead a Sun Salutation A or B sequence but did not anticipate being called on for mettā-meditation. Good surprise to have I guess. After class I spoke with Aviel. He wasn't feeling too well, so we post-poned our practice teaching session which actually was a relief. I was happy to have the day free to go grocery shopping, enjoy a walk and catch up on some more reading.
Yoga Meal: After I went grocery shopping I came home and cut open a grapefruit. I ate both halves of it without any added sugar, just as it was. I made sure to enjoy the juice left from the remaining pulp inside the rind, which I squeezed into my bowl. After waiting several minutes I found that I was still hungry so I prepare a bowl of almond granola with whole fat yogurt. This was very satisfying. I remained seated throughout my meal (aside from getting up to prepare the bowl of granola). I had no interruptions/did not speak to anyone while I was eating. I was not rushed and was able to take the time to consider each bite. I savored the richness present in each of the items I chose for my meal. Overall, a success!
Gratitude: Thankful for this long weekend, 4 days. Time with loved ones. Time alone. Enjoyed a fireplace, a few walks, several cups of tea. Met my goal of drinking eight glasses of water three days in a row now. Met my sleep goal each night over this break as well (despite being kept up late with a house party next door last night and a house party here on Wednesday). Hoping I can bring the energy and wellness with me into this week. Heading to bed now so I can wake up refreshed and ready to give tomorrow/next week my all. Peace be to all. Happiness be with all. May there be less suffering and more understanding in our world. Goodnight.
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