It's been a good whirlwind these past few days. On Tuesday I had an interview at the Seward Co-op; I don't know why I was nervous but I had no idea how I came across to Arnie or Chris who interviewed me. I responded to questions quickly with examples from my employment at Juut rather than my background at Byerly's; when they asked I explained succinctly why I was let go. I was afraid that I came across as nervous/excited and I hoped that this would not count against me. They said they would let me know their decision by next Monday. That very afternoon I received a phone call from Arnie offering me the position. I was excited but told him I would have to wait until Friday to make a decision (I still have an interview with the Heat and Frost Insulators Local 34 Union). The offer was for the same wage I left Juut at, which I was grateful for but also upset with; I had wanted more. It took me a whole day to drum up my proposal back to him (did not sleep well) but spoke with him yesterday asking if he would consider with my experience to start me at a slightly higher wage. He accepted my proposal and hopes that I will accept the position. I was delighted that he was not turned off by my suggestion and feel hopeful that this will be a good company to work for, but I don't want to sell myself short. The administrative job at the union offers a good $4-$5 more an hour, so I am waiting to see how that goes.
All in all by the end of tomorrow I should have a decision/chosen job it will be one or the other. I have had to decline three or four other phone calls asking for interviews, which is amazing! I am delighted that my job search took all of three weeks. It was not as painful as it could have been. Now I need to remember to contact Ramsey County to share my decision/stop my pending request for assistance.
To get back on to where I have been with yoga the past few days:
On Tuesday (
Day 24 of my practice) I did not do any physical practice – i.e. I took the day off... I tried to meditate in the morning before my interview (which was helpful this time; before I interviewed for the Mississippi Market position my mind was more busy). It was a quiet, grey morning. There was some rain outside which was a nice noise to hear. My thoughts were minimal, sometimes they fixated on the question of "how are you going to handle it if they ask you about being let go?" – I kept breathing deeply and calmed myself down. After my interview I came home and tried to read some of the
Strengthsfinder 2.0 book; I made it to the part where it asked me to fill out the online quiz, which I began working on when Arnie called back to make the offer. I did not answer right away. I finished the assessment before checking the voice message. After I got the offer I sat by myself a while and laughed. The foreword to book I had read the night before had talked about success
(Man's Search for Meaning) and my laughter was a testament to how true the statement was:
Don't aim at success–the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's dedication to a greater cause than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds foe success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run–in the long run, I say!–success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it.
I am not saying that a job in grocery or as an administrative assistant will be my life's calling but that I have been trying SO HARD for the past two years to get a promotion from within Juut that it took being deprived of the opportunity (excommunicated from the company) to look elsewhere for success. I have received SO MANY calls asking for interviews and have gotten three offers so far (two for part-time work...) but the point is, I would have not turned around to see the other options had the door (metaphorically) not been slammed in my face. I would still be trying for an impossibility with Juut thinking that one day my hard work would pay off; clearly I was not meant to be with this company despite how good of a fit I thought I was. What I have learned from this experience is that I am desirable and that I have a marketable set of skills. I do not need to stop my search here but I can go forward with a new job, clean slate and gain more experience and learn more about myself/what I want to do in this world. Fresh perspective is a blessing.
I had a yoga meal with my mother; she took me out to Cecil's delicatessen in Highland Park where I had a traditional reuben sandwich (which I only ate half of) and a side of fantastic potato salad. She told me about her final cardiac rehab session and reminded me that I had agreed to help her go to an eye appointment on Wednesday. I took my time eating, did not talk while eating and finished each bite before proceeding on to the next. I stopped when I was contentedly full and we had a good visit with each other. It was a good 3-4 hours before I had anything more to eat.
Andrew came by that same evening to celebrate my good news. He took me out to W.A. Frost; as I had already eaten I sat as his companion. I had a non-alcoholic beverage and watched him enjoy an order of mussels. I was tempted by the duck entree but decided to be content with watching him enjoy it (it is a dish we both savor there). I did join him in dessert; we shared the "kit kat" bar made of hazelnut praline and dark chocolate; there was a little drizzle of rich caramel on the plate as well as a side of chai ice cream, literally a scoopful that was the size of a large gum ball; I had no aversion to enjoying this delight although it was certainly "added sugar." Good thing I am admittedly not 100% committed to the group's 21 day quantum cleanse. No doubt it would be good for me to try but I am not yet ready for this and think it would be best to try when my spirit is in it. I loved spending my evening with Andrew, it's a good date spot. Our evening ended abruptly when we realized his sister had been trying to call us. She needed our support so we rushed home. While Andrew listened as her confidant, I went downstairs and spent some more time meditating.
Day 25: Wednesday. I woke up around 9:30 a.m. which means I slept in. I went into the living room and
did 5 Sun As and 5 Sun Bs and tried to do the standing postures that we had practiced from Sunday's class, which amounted to about 20 minutes of personal practice. It was tricky since I was working with my bare feet on the floor, my yoga mat was at my place. I contemplated what it would be like with a towel on the floor but decided I had better traction on the wooden floor with my bare feet. I
dedicated 10-15 minutes for meditation afterwards, so it was not the full amount of time. Zatz, the cat, wanted my attention and kept climbing into my lap, kneading her claws on me. So I was roused. I went to wake Andrew and we quickly got ready to go pick up my Mom for her eye appointment. We stopped at Bruegger's for bagels and coffee (I had hot chocolate). Andrew learned that Bryce was free for the day so decided he would spend time with his best friend. After dropping my Mom off, I stayed at my house/a.k.a. Bryce and Pippa's while they went off to MOA to find new games, console stuff. While I waited at home for my mom to call saying her eye appointment was done, I tried to read more of the Strengthsfinder 2.0 assessment but found that my eyes did not want to spend time looking at a computer screen!
When my Mom's appointment was done I went to the Central Medical building and picked her up. All was well. Brought her back to her apartment. It was there I got a phone call back from Arnie (whom I had emailed asking for more information on remuneration/benefits) and asked him for a higher rate. After we got off the phone I communicated with my mother at how accomplished I felt having navigated my first negotiation for higher pay. Of course it wasn't a LOT but the point was it would be higher than what I was earning at Juut which meant a lot moving forward. From there we decided it was time for dinner and
went out to Eddington's for soup. I guess I considered this my yoga meal for the day because it was something to savor! I had two bowls of the chicken tortilla soup with fresh salsa and blue tortilla chips. Wow, the salsa was amazing with hints of lime, tomato and cilantro. I did pause between bowl refills and decided YES I would have another. I felt satisfied at the end, not overly full. We did have great conversation but always during breaks during our meal. Needless to say we stayed seated during our meal and I did not eat again until much later that evening (4-5 hours later) when I had a snack.
After dinner I returned to her apartment, gave her a back rub and then I decided it was time to go home. I spent some time with Andrew, he and I were under the impression we were going to hang out with B&P but they were sleepy so he and I stayed up on our own, made vegan brownies and rented a movie from Amazon Instant Play (the new blockbuster I guess, with over 60,000 films??) called
Oblivion. We both agreed that it was an interesting concept but that it had many holes in its plot. We also learned that the graphic novel it was supposedly based on was
never actually written. It was around 12:30 a.m. when we had finished watching the movie and we headed to bed.
Day 26 (today). We woke up around 7:30 a.m. to the sound of an incessant doorbell and the voice of Bryce's mother shouting "Bryce! Bryce!" to which there was no apparent answer. To make a long story short I went downstairs and let her in saying I did not know where he was and asked if she had tried calling him; she had not, but insisted that his motorcycle and car were there so he wouldn't be at class. I trudged up stairs and called up to his bedroom. He DID answer, so he eventually made his way downstairs to talk with his mother. Andrew and I could not fall back asleep (this would normally be considered a travesty for Andrew who normally never wakes before 11 a.m. due to his late-night work schedule). He made coffee and played Minecraft on my computer while I took my time waking up. We went out for breakfast at Longfellow, which is our usual place.
I ate about half of the food that arrived on my plate; I had ordered the American Breakfast which was two eggs, a portion of hash browns, two slices of toast and a breakfast meat. For some reason I thought this was a good amount of food for me but it was clearly too much. So after eating my fill I stopped and did not force the rest. After breakfast we hemmed and hawed over what to do with the day. Andrew had errands to run and I wanted to spend the day outside (the sun had come out; it was only about 50ยบ F). When I finally communicated how important it was for me to spend more time together, we went on a date to Stillwater. We walked around. Stopped at a candy store where we bought a few dark chocolate truffles and then sat down in a cafe and played two games of chess. It was fun to get out and do something different. When we got back to Saint Paul Andrew headed out to do his errands and I got ready to do yoga.
I went to the 5:45 Hatha class at Highland Park taught by Ryan. Jan saw me on my way in and invited me to join an hour-long meditation at 8:00 which I did consider, however after yoga I realized how hungry I was and decided to go home to eat. Class was more difficult for me today. I think it was a combination of being overly tired and not well hydrated. I noticed especially how difficult it was for me to hold my downward facing dogs as well as the top of my plank/side planks. On Monday I was rocking it, but today was not so great. I accepted myself as I was in this practice, kept focused on my breathing and enjoyed poses like pigeon and some sort of squat for which I don't yet know the name–legs are hip width distance apart, hands are at heart center; torso sinks almost to the floor/thighs are below knees. Savasana was not the quietest place for my mind. I was too fixated on the music and the breathing around me. I don't know why I was so in my head rather than allow myself to sink into the floor. I did like the scented towel which I had placed over my eyes but could not place the aroma. It was not sandalwood; I think it was something more like clove, kind of spicy.
When I got home I ate the remainder of my reuben from Tuesday. It was great heated up on the stove top. It was just the right amount of food. I ate that in silence. Then I watched the documentary on
Salinger from Netflix. I have always loved
Franny and Zooey, not so much a fan of
The Catcher and the Rye. Anyhow, it was good to see. It was slightly disturbing in the sense that I had idealized the man, while he was someone very human; the good, the bad, the ugly. I do anticipate the release of his posthumous novels, although it will be weird to have more to think of, critique... it might change the way we see his previous/collective work.
A little bummed, just got an email from Jan in response to my question about tonight's meditation. Sounds like it was just tonight and not a regular/weekly thing. Sad to have missed the opportunity but I made a decision to go home and eat dinner instead. I must not have regrets. I do need to learn to say yes and no and not feel bad about my decisions. Now I must go complete my daily meditation, as that is all I have left to do before going to bed. I am glad to have finally gotten caught up with my blog/journal entries. Sorry it was not neat and organized these past few days, my brain has just been in such a whirl of gratitude for the job offer and working through how my upcoming days will be.
Speaking of gratitude: I am thankful for the ongoing support of my parents, housemates and friends. Andrew has been a doll throughout this whole unemployment experience and a great resource for all my questions. I am grateful for all the opportunities I had to grow in conversations with others these past few days. I am fascinated at how quickly things can change and that I can have a new routine form in front of my eyes as soon as I accept a new position. I am grateful for the abundance of interest people have shown in my applications/resume. I am grateful for the knowledge that I am capable of getting through tough times and keeping them at a minimum/making the best of uncontrollable circumstances. I have maintained a budget and have not yet gone into the red. I know that I still have a few weeks yet before I am next payed but I have made it this far and by the end of the day tomorrow I will have a concrete decision: I will either be the new Grocery Replenishment Buyer–Dairy for the Seward Community Cooperative in Minneapolis OR I will be the Office Coordinator/Administrative Assistant for the Heat and Frost Insulator's Local 34. I will make an announcement here and on Facebook when it is official :) Here's to next step(s).
